Breastfeeding/Lactation Consultant

JESSICA MOMMYOF4 re: your additional info/comments.........OOPS.....:( & thoughts on how sexual abuse relates to bf...

I'm so very very sorry about the past history of abuse. I'm not sure about the "whys" of how sexual abuse affects bf but I have seen sexaul assalt survivors experience responses similar to what you describe and have heard other LCs express that they have seen the same.

My guess as to why sexaul assalt can impact bf would be b/c sexual abuse can lead to problems with appropriate physical/sexual boundaries b/c of the intensely inappropriate invasion of your right to control your own body. Many moms who have no history of abuse sometimes express that they "don't feel their body is their own anymore" during bf b/c of the intense need the baby has and the intense physical closeness of the baby. Many moms expresss a sensation of being "invaded" from time to time during their "normal" bf experience. In the case of a sexual abuse survivor I would image that sensation of "invasion" may take on some understandably pretty intense dimensions.

I think the reason you may have been excited about breastfeeding initially is b/c you were excited about the baby coming and being a bf mom may have represented being a "good mom" to you. Most women put lots of pressure on themselves to be a good mom but in the case of a sexual abuse survivor I bet the pressure you put on yourself is greater b/c you want to perfectly protect your children from the kind of abuse you experienced. You image you will do this by being the "perfect" mom including all that means to you. Many sexual abuse survivors also have negative feelings toward their own mother even if their own mom was totally innocent of any abuse or inattentiveness that lead to the abuse. That may be b/c in the child's mind the child thinks "mom should have protected me from that abuse" (even when that may not have been a reasonable expectation but most certainly when mom was neglectful or actively involved). Anytime a woman has had a rocky past with her own mom it can make the adjustment to new motherhood more difficult b/c of the new mom's expectation of being a better mom than she had. The unrealistic high standard of motherhood that the sexaul abuse survivor may put on herself may make her more vulnerable to PPD when she naturally falls short of her "perfect" image of motherhood. (this actually happens with lots of moms experiencing PPD, not just abuse survivors)

Many people who have experienced sexual abuse have a hard time with appropriate boundaries re: sex or even physical affection. Some are extremely guarded with their bodies and some are very promiscious. I would image that may lead some sexaul abuse survivors to reject or minimize physical affection b/c it understandably feels scary. The baby's physical "invasion" of your body may bring up some very powerful and unpleasant memories and/or sensations.

There are many many issues and ways that sexual abuse can impact a survivor. That is why I think it may be appropriate for you to seek out some professional help in that area and also b/c I am by no means an expert on this topic.

Again, please come back we will support you as much as needed. I hope you find solutions and ths support you need also in your own community. Thank you for being so open about your experience. You have no idea how many women you have probably helped deal just a little bit more with the issue of sexual abuse in their own life. Many women only "lurk" here but benefit greatly from those who have the courage to share their story.

Keep in touch

((((HUGS)))), Kathy

Thank you Kathy...I hope that someone will read and benefit from this

I realize you are not an expert, but you have NO idea how much you have helped! In all the years I have talked to people about the problems we had, NOBODY came up with a solution that seemed to make this much sense. Thank you again, if I am able to successfully BF my next child, it will be because you took a chance on possible offending me, and in the mean time, came up with the answer!

I can't thank you enough....

Jessica