Working Moms

Hi there.  Here's my situation...I have a 4 year old and almost six year old.  My H works afternoons and I always worked in the mornings (every morning) and then he was off to work at noon.  I got home at 11:30 to pick up my 4 yo from preschool, then put my 6 yo on the bus for afternoon kindergarten.  For the past 1 1/2 years this has been working well, even though I don't see H, it enables me to still work and we have totally needed my income.    When my H worked days, I worked evenings, so we never needed childcare.

Present day--now we need for me to work FT with the economy and his job is in sales and not doing well at all.  We are barely getting by and my hours are being cut at work from 20 hrs per week to about 12.  Bad situation.  So, reluctantly, we made the decision for me to go back FT.  I am a surgical nurse and it is a very stressful job, to say the least.  I will also have to go back to taking call on the weekends and once a week at night (still have no idea how to get a sitter for that).  I have been totally overwhelmed with this life-changing/altering decision.  I have always enjoyed the time I have had with my daughters and wanted to keep doing this till they were both in school FT.   I loved being able to have play dates in the afternoons with their friends, go swimming, do park district activities, etc.  Even writing this, I realize I sound like I am whining, but I just have this enormous guilt about leaving my kids with a sitter in the afternoons, even though it will only be 4-5 hours at the most.  I'm just afraid that I will have nothing left when I get home for these kids.  Play time, school work, play dates, activities, being a "happy" mom...all that stuff.  I used to work at my hospital FT and I know how mentally and physically draining this job is.  Not to mention my anxiety of hiring a sitter.  I am an admitted overly protective mom and am very, very anxious about this process.  I am using a good site called sittercity and have had many positive responses with some very responsible sounding replies. 

I must say that I am also very angry at my H because I feel he is not providing for his family.  this is not the first time he has had job problems....this has been an ongoing thing for him.  He is not a very motivated person and we have had marital issues for years.  Now I can't stand to look at him.  He even wants to quit his job and just have me work.  He has done nothing to help me look for a sitter or to sit down and calculate our income, etc.  It's all on me and I feel like I am going to crack.  I am trying so hard to be positive and take this one day at a time but it is difficult.

I realize many women work FT and they and their kids are just fine.  Maybe I sound like a baby to some of you, but when you have never had to use childcare it is very emotional.  I am a little older and, again, I just worry about what I will have left over when I get home. 

I guess I just needed to vent a little and here some encouraging stories.  Thanks for listening.

((HUGS))
Hi Kristi! Remember, "this too shall pass". The schedule you're about to take on doesn't have to be that way forever. Consider it a temporary 1-year trial and see how things go. My biggest concern is your husband, since he won't even so much as sit down to go over finances. I don't mean to beat the Marital Counselor drum two posts in a row, but have you considered family counseling? They might help to get to the root of your husband's apparently willful disconnect from reality. He probably won't go with you at first, but go without him and see what they say. Seeing a financial adviser would also probably be a good idea.

About the night sitter, does DH work at night? At what times would his hours and your hours overlap in the evenings?

Thanks for responding.  Actually, we have had counseling.  I just feel like I am in this marriage alone.  It's a very sobering experience.   I really don't know if we will make it or not.....I feel like this is the final nail in the coffin, so to speak.  I am old school and I feel like a man should provide for his family---no offense to anyone who feels differently, it's just that's how I feel.  I was already working PT and that was not enough, now I have this burden put on me to be the money maker of this family.  Counseling is out right now d/t finances, however.