Discipline Styles Debate

“I’ve worked with thousands of parents and I can tell you, without question, that screaming is the new spanking,” said Amy McCready, the founder of Positive Parenting Solutions..."This is so the issue right now. As parents understand that it’s not socially acceptable to spank children, they are at a loss for what they can do. They resort to reminding, nagging, timeout, counting 1-2-3 and quickly realize that those strategies don’t work to change behavior. In the absence of tools that really work, they feel frustrated and angry and raise their voice. They feel guilty afterward, and the whole cycle begins again.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/22/fashion/22yell.html?_r=2&scp=1&sq=spanking&st=cse

Does this hit home with anyone? It makes perfect sense. While I know that some of our members would argue that they spank when "in control" as a means of discipline, spanking is obviously done by many others in times when they are at their wit's end, feeling frustrated and mad. It makes sense that yelling could really be the equivalent of a verbal spanking.

What do you think?

Hey!  I'm not shouting.  It all comes down to self control.  Do we react as parents or do we take the time to respond to our kids?  Easier said than done, but if practiced very achievable. 

Too many times I have resorted to yelling only to get back what I gave.  My example of yelling models to my 11yr old that it is OK to come back the same way.  I have found, 1) a simple warning of a 'logical' consequence 2) given in a neutral tone of voice 3) that is matter of fact works wonders. 

At first, I was challenged because my girl-child did not believe I would follow through with my stated consequence.  Example:  Kiddo, you need to put the DS up and get on your homework or I will take the DS for the rest of the week.  If she failed to comply (and she did in the beginning) I would calmly walk over and ask take the DS.  I found the more immediate the consequence following my child's noncompliance the sooner she believed I would respond with my follow through. 

My consequence has to be reasonalbe and logical to the child.  I can't say:  "If you don't eat your dinner I am going to force it down your throat."  Most kids will know this is an unlikely action and will therefore not take your threat OR you seriously. 

It is a lesson in trust as well.  She begins to trust I will do what I say.  I have to practice this in the positive aspect as well. 

Yelling and spanking are necessary, BUT they should be reserved for situations where danger is a factor.  Especially with younger kids.  I also have a 2 yr old.  He wanted to run into the street in front of our house.  I spanked him for his action because the consequence of a spanking is much less worse than getting hit by a car. 

"Yelling and spanking are necessary, BUT they should be reserved for situations where danger is a factor."

I disagree with this. Yelling and spanking are never necessary.
Sometimes they happen, usually as a result of frustration or not knowing what else to do. But they're not necessary.

I never spank. Sometimes, my temper will get the better of me and I'll raise my voice but I do my absolute best not to do this and I'll apologise if I have yelled.

And with regards to consequences, I usually don't present consequences. It's just expected that they will do something.

For dangers, it's the parents' responsibility to keep the child safe. A young child can not be entrusted with their own safety - even if beaten to within an inch of their lives, they would not be capable of this. So instead, the parents should keep them safe by preventing them from getting near enough to the road to dart across it.