Abortion Support

Welcome to the board.

One piece of advice that's hard - don't second guess yourself or your decision. You made the best decision you thought that you could at the time. You obviously didn't make the choice lightly. Accept that you did the best you could, and forgive yourself for being in the situation where you HAD to make a choice. You didn't try to be in that spot. None of us do.

As for how to come to terms with it and cope, I'd suggest finding someone that you can talk to who is supportive. Don't be afraid to talk things through with them. You'd be surprised how much support you can find in friends you wouldn't have guessed would be supportive.

Also, if it continues to be a problem, don't be afraid to go into counseling to find some help dealing with the decision. A professional who you can trust may be able to help you cope.

Finally, don't forget that you did lose a baby - even if it was a voluntary termination. It's still a loss. Allow yourself the space to grieve for what you've lost. Some people have a naming ceremony for the baby. Some have a sort of service for it. Some burn the ultrasound photo, to send it to a higher place. Whatever works for you to mourn the baby isn't a bad idea.

I hope that helps, but above all, try to forgive yourself for making the best decision that you could at the time. Should have, would have, and could have's don't count now. It's easy to second guess - but making the choice was a brave thing - no matter what you decided.

I had my abortion in Feb. Just passed the baby's due date last weekend. I am still very emotional. It is very hard not to second guess your decision. I too, am still struggling with that feeling of "can't take back my choice." I have been meeting with a counselor weekly and it's been helpful. I highly recommend it.

I agree with Reiner that you must remember you lost a baby. I realized this week that I do not doubt and still believe very strongly in the reasons behind my decision. Abortion was the most healthy choice for my body and my family at the time. But I'm grieving deeply for the baby I lost.

I finally named the baby last week. Her name was Eva. That helped me feel some peace when I gave her a name. At the time of my appointments, I declined the ultrasound pictures. I just didn't want to be reminded it of the ordeal. I now regret not keeping that piece of memory with me. I'm in the process of requesting copies of the ultrasound pictures from the hospital.

My advice is to accept the feeling of sadness. Allow yourself to grieve. You don't have to hide because it is not wrong to feel sad for losing someone so important to you. My therapist suggested writing a letter to the baby. She also suggested "talking" to the baby either mentally or out loud. I "talked" to Eva and told her how much I miss her and how sorry I am for losing her.

I hope you can try these ideas. Keep in touch. We're all here for each other.

kat,

of course you are second-guessing yourself, it's part of the process of healing. When you had the abortion you had one set of answers for why you were doing it. Now you are experiencing pain and regret you have to question yourself all over again before you can find the next set of answers... I bet there will always be new ways of looking at this as the years pass. emotional healing from an abortion is long term... the main thing is to be loving and patient with yourself.

that said, it can get bad at times so don't hesitate to get help if you need it. in my experience someone with knowledge of post-abortion issues is best...

plus we are all here :) and have been where you are.

big hugs!