discussion title: Sad and Confused
Well, I found out I was pregnant the second week of October. I was freked out and didn't know what to think, I told the dad, who is my amazing boyfriend that I am living with, and all he could keep saying was "I'm not ready to be a dad, we have to abort it". At first I did not want to hear this at all, I wanted to keep it and I was going to. After about a week, I went in to find out how far along I was and talked with him a lot more about what we should do. I still wasn't sure, but I started leaning towards getting an abortion. We are young, in college, and money would be a huge issue. I want to have kids when I can be truly excited with my significant other, and have a house I can set up a nursery in, and money to spoil them the way I want. This was just not coming together like I planned. I made the appointment to take care of it, and I had another week to think and not go if I changed my mind. I went through all of the motions but I don't think I ever really sat back to think about it. When the day came, I just took the pill, then I had no choice, it was done. He was home with me through the whole process which helped a lot, and I was ok with everything for a couple of days. It's been a week now and I am not doing as well with everything. I think about it all of the time and question my decision. Every time I see a pregnant lady or anyone with kids it makes me sad. I keep thinking that I could be getting ready for a huge amazing change in my life, and instead it's going on just as it was. I don't really know how to feel right now, I know that logically it was the best decision, but in my heart I don't think it was. My boyfriend found me crying on our bed on Saturday night, and I finally told him how much it had been bothering me. Any support would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for listening ladies.
message #: 4341.2 in response to 4341.1
Its hard. And you are so lucky to have your boyfriend there with you, to go through it with you. Because you arent alone. Its going to be hard for awhile, and hopefully over time you`ll feel better. Because there will be more, when you are ready. And when you are ready you will know it. And it`ll be amazing. You just have to keep your head up, remember that your not alone, never alone. There are many people going through exactly what you are, and you can talk to them about it or you can always find a doctor to talk to, someone who understands exactly what your feeling.
You`ll feel better, and your life, will be AMAZING. Its going to be hard, but you`ll get through it. And im happy that you could share, your strong enough to let people in, to let people know what your feeling. So you will be just fine, and i hope that you do feel better soon. And i hope that your boyfriend will be there for you. You are strong, brave, couragous, and never doubt that.
message #: 4341.3 in response to 4341.2
Welcome to the board. You'll find a great group of women here. I'm sorry that you found yourself in this position. If you can, make sure you talk about this with your boyfriend or other supportive people. Talking can be really helpful. Also, try not to second guess yourself too much. You made a choice based on what you knew at the time. You made the best choice that you thought you could. Second guessing yourself now isn't going to change anything. So give yourself the grace to know you did the best you could. Also, just because you made a choice to abort a baby or a pregnancy doesn't mean that you didn't suffer a loss. You did. Even if you chose to end things. So give yourself some space to grieve the loss of what could have been. Being pregnant is a time of hope, and growth. You lost that chance for right now. But it doesn't mean that it's been lost forever. More than likely it'll be an option for you again in the future when you're more "ready." Don't feel like you shouln't be a bit sad, or mournful, or whatever it is you're feeling. It's okay to feel like that, and feeling like that now doesn't mean you made a bad choice, or that you won't feel better when some more time has passed. In all likelihood you will. Good luck!
message #: 4341.4 in response to 4341.1
Hi confused2234 and welcome to the board. Even though you've already gotten great responses I just wanted to say hello. It's so important that your BF's supportive and you two can communicate openly and honestly, it's wonderful to read that you two have that with each other. You're mind and body are dealing with a lot of extra hormones at the moment. Please go easy on yourself and keep the line of communication open with your BF.
Sending (((hugs))) your way...
message #: 4341.5 in response to 4341.4
hey confused... I just wrote to angel and shared a lot of resources that really helped me. I would encourage you to take it easy on yourself and when you're ready, look into it. But try not to go on by yourself too long--definitely talk to someone. It's great that your bf is supportive but it's biologically impossible for him to know how you feel. I cried every day after my abortion... sometimes it is largely hormonal, but sometimes it isn't. For me it was truly devastating for a long time (it's been a rough 10 months and although I don't cry every day anymore, I still have trouble being around pregnant ladies and quite a lot of other issues that are rooted in the abortion) so it's been a journey. I think it's natural to second guess yourself. Ever been on a diet? when you're fighting yourself about whether you should have that ice cream and then you go ahead and eat it up, what is the only voice left? the one that says you shouldn't have done that... so it is. There's been a battle going on inside you. There is nothing you can do to change what's happened, you know, it's time to make peace as best you can. hope that helps... "We have much courage for the abstract, but not for the concrete."
-Helen Keller
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