Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery

Hello aa42107,

Goodness, I have not been here in a very long time!

I can totally understand and relate with your feelings and aggravation on this particular topic! Back when I was trying to do AA, I had the same problem. I do believe in my own private kind of God that I keep quietly within myself. I came to some serious issues with AA seemingly "pushing" GOD down my throat. It came to the point that I just was so uncomfortable with putting God into my steps that I pulled away and stopped going to meetings cause they just made me want to drink. I think my unwillingness to go down the "God" road with the steps had to do with my feelings that the expectations for my own self from the entity, in my belief, were too high. I am not perfectly good and will never be perfectly good and does that mean that I will burn in hell for all of eternity? Condemning myself to such does me no good what-so-ever! It brings about so much stress that it just did not and does not work for me like it does for many others. If this works for others that is a fantastic and wondrous thing. It lifts my heart for those it works for.

I no longer drink. I have actually developed a revulsion to the idea of putting alcohol in my mouth. The idea of swallowing it has become unthinkable. It was just yesterday that I realized that I have come to think of alcohol as a poison. It is poisonous to me. over the last three years I have drank about that many times. The last time being last Thanksgiving.

It is possible to become a non-drinker. And much that is brought up and discussed in AA is true whether you believe in the god everyone else does or not. You can still take the power of the group and allow it to give you strength. The thing that I feel is the most important is that you do not give up on getting sober because of your feelings that differ from the group about god. My god is deep in my chest and stays there where I do not have to define or discuss him with anyone. That is my personal business. And I find much strength in this.

I hope that this lets you know that you are not alone!!!!!! I will be keeping you in my thoughts and sending you warmest wishes for better days. They will come.
From my heart,

Taylchaser

Hi aa2107,

God means you no harm. He loves you. You can find Him if you seek Him.

Hi Again aa2107,

Then again, lest you think I am intolerant of any belief other than my own(Quaker) I say, "Live and Let Live", an old AA cliche.

I know you mean well Paul, but this is exactly the kind of condescending remark that irritates me.  You're responding like the religious/Christian people do.  I've never considered that God means me harm, that has nothing to do with it.  It simply does not feel authentic.

Where, exactly is "He"?  What's the purpose of a hide and seek game?  I've looked for God and found very little connection.  I'm beginning to believe people who profess a relationship with God are creating it in their own minds.  Which is not necessarily a bad thing if they're happy and healthy.  I just don't get it.

Thanks for your input.   I appreciate your thoughts on the matter.

At this point in my life sobriety and staying that way is far more important and genuine for me than any ethereal and indefinable quest for "God".

I'm happily abstinent from alcohol and like my sober life.  Frankly, I'm not missing God, never was.  I just cannot comprehend all the people who talk of "I spent my whole life looking for God".  I simply haven't.   I do like the people and other stuff I learn in AA, I just am not so fond of getting preached at by other members whenever I express my sincere thoughts on a higher power concept.  Lately, I've been declining to speak when called on in "God" meetings.