Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery

Well...I really knew that I had a drinking problem but really didn't care until the other night. I am the kind of person that associates drinking w/ having fun. So, I drink b/c I'm bored and I want to have fun. Well the other day I had a fabulous day so I chose to go out and buy a six pack b/c I somehow knew that staying at home was going to be mundane. So, I was having a blast and drank that six pack and then walked my dog to the store and bought another one b/4 my husband came home from work. He works 7 days a week and practically 15 hours a day every day. So, when he comes home he eats and then basically goes to bed. We spend little to no time together. Not to mention that he is the type that shows NO EMOTION when we do see each other. So, it's a wonder we are even together. If I didn't Know that he loved me and he didn't treat me as well as he does I probably wouldn't be with him. So, it's really a catch 22 on that subject. Anyway... I bought another six pack and by the time he got home I'd drank 9 beers and was drunk b/c I didn't eat dinner. So, he got upset. We got into an argument. Then I promised him something that I don't want to keep. That I'd stop. I even told him when I was drunk that I'd rather drink than to be with him. I think that I said that b/c I never get to see him. Not b/c I actually mean that. Although I really don't want to quit. I know that I need to quit but I don't want to quit. So, I'm asking you guys that know how I feel......How do you make yourself WANT to quit? I'm the kind of person that is a responsible drinker also. I will not drink and drive. I do not endanger anyone when I am drinking. Unfortunately the only person that I truly hurt is me and I don't REALLLY want to continue hurting myself. I just want to be happy but I don't know how to be happy unless I'm drinking. Can any of you give me any advice on this subject? I just don't know what to do in my situation. I'm lost.

Tracey

Tracey,

Welcome to the board. I am sorry, there isn't any real way to convince yourself to stop drinking. I guess one way might be to decide if you want to live an honest life, or a lie? You made a promise, right.

If you attend a few AA meetings or Women for Sobriety meetings, you will hear stories of what might happen if you continue. We call the things we have not done the 'yets.' You could list what you love about your life, and like about your life...and then imagine what will happen when you no longer have those things, because alcohol is a thief stealing what we love the best.

Good luck and peace to you.

Tracey,

First, I would recommend committing to taking some serious 'personal inventory' about yourself, your thoughts, your hurts, your heart, your marriage, everything!, write down your likes/dislikes (ask yourself who is Tracey?for example, if I asked you to describe yourself to me, what would you say?), write down your fears, your desires and passions, your dreams....do you have a vision for your life and a vision for your marriage? just start writing/journaling. There are no right or wrong answers, and you may not even know what to write for everything at this moment, but eventually you will. Just write from the heart, rediscover yourself. There is healing in writing. Usually when we choose to drink, eat too much, whatever, we are trying to 'fill up' an empty place within ourselves, or possibly trying to 'numb' ourselves from feeling feelings that we don't want to feel or trying to avoid something. I think you can find some answers in what you wrote already, for example you said,  

"I'm bored and I want to have fun. Well the other day I had a fabulous day so I chose to go out and buy a six pack b/c I somehow knew that staying at home was going to be mundane." "I just want to be happy but I don't know how to be happy unless I'm drinking."  

You said you were bored, so ask yourself why were you bored? You said you want to have fun and be happy, why do you equate fun and happiness with drinking? There are A LOT of other choices that would be not only a better choice but more fun. Do you have any hobbies and interests? Then you said staying home would be mundane, why? And you said you had a 'fabulous day' the other day (w/o drinking), so what made it so fabulous? Then you answered your own question when you said you just want to be happy & don't know how unless you drink...because you do, but like you said "I chose to go out & buy a 6 pack". How do you have happiness? You CHOOSE to be happy by CHOOSING better choices that are healthy & no it's not always easy. We also have to remember that every moment in life isn't going to be exciting and sometimes it is ok to be still and quiet (boredom to some people is being still & quiet). We all have to learn to not make decisions based on our emotions/feelings. Just like forgiveness is a choice, so is happiness, sobriety, love, etc. If I based all of my choices on my feelings alone (instead of doing what is right), I would be divorced right now, I would have told my boss off, etc, etc. We have to learn to not live by our emotions. And it takes time to learn how to do this, so be patient. I don't get it right every time, but I try. Surround yourself with people that make you a better person and challenge you, love yourself, stay productive and active, and focus on what you need to do to be happy. If you need AA, then go. If you need a counselor, find one. Start writing, and if you believe in God, start praying. I hope this helps. Hang in there !!

K

The bad news...if you DONT WANT to quit you will NOT quit.

 If you have convinced yourself that you are a responsible drinker and the only one you are hurting is yourself...this kind of thinking or believing is keeping you further away from quitting. 

If you have anger and resentment toward your husband it will be harder for you to quit. 

You truly will not understand how much your drinking IS affecting others until you do quit....and it could take a year of quitting before you even are able to realize all the people you are hurting by drinking. 

I know...I quit..and I didn't think I was hurting anyone but myself for 20 years...if you quit...it will dawn on you one day...that in big and small ways your drinking HAS affected others.

Nothing anyone says on this board is going to make you want to quit....it has to come from inside you...you have to have a reason to WANT to quit.....usually for an alcoholic there comes a time that the alcohol does affect our lives to the point where we WANT to quit....by way of job loss, health loss, jail time and hospitalizations from drinking too much.  Not too much else can make a drinker quit except the drinkers DESIRE to quit.

If you don't have the desire to quit than you do not have a chance of quitting.  When YOU want to quit....you will quit...and only then.