Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery

Good morning all,

Wow, nice to finally wake up with a clear head this morning!  Sleep was rough (again, I'm used to passing out, not lulling myself to sleep)  I know it will take time for me to get used to going to sleep naturally again, so I am not going to beat myself up.  A few nights of restless sleep is worth sobriety.

I'm going back to AA today.  It's a good group, one I used to go to regularly.  My friend is going to meet me there.  I dusted off all my AA books, and did my mediations and reflections. 

The only thing that bugged me all day yesterday, was from the minute he got home, my husband followed me around like a shadow.  Most of my "stash" was kept in my laundry room, and to keep busy, I basicallly washed every towel and bedsheet in my house, so I kept going in and out of the LR.  I understand that right now he is very distrustful of me, and deservedly so.  I know it's going to take a lot of time to regain his trust again and he's just worried about me slipping.  Right now I am not in a position to ask him to back off and give me some breathing space.  How have you all handled that?  I promised him and my friend that if I felt the urge to drink, I would call them.  I made a promise to myself that if I called and couldn't get in touch with them, I'd come here to post.  What else can I do? 

Anyway, I hope you are all having a good morning.  Any advice you can share about helping me work my problem out would be greatly appreciated.

Hugs!

Nikki

Go get that chip...let us know when you got it!

It will take some time to get your sleep patters back the normal BUT al least your not passing out and waking up feeling hung over or groogy...but with a "clear head" 

Good for you for going back to AA..meditating and reflecting...Big hugs!

As for your dh pray about it,  give it to your h.p, ...he loves you he is worried about you he cares...try to understand that he want's the best for you.   Explain to him that you are going to AA and that you would like his support and want him to relax a bit...as in give you some space...just tell him what you WANT!  not so much what you need...let him in,  tell him what you are doing and be honest about it.

Have as GREAT DAY hun...

Your accomplishing some big steps.

Melissa

                 Who indeed can harm you if you are committed deeply to doing what is right?
       - I Peter 

     

Congratulations on your return to AA.  Give sobriety every effort you have this time--it will be worth it!  And yes, eventually, you will sleep normally again.  Successful sobriety doesn't come instantaneously, it requires work, patience and time.

Right now I am not in a position to ask him to back off and give me some breathing space.  How have you all handled that?    There's nothing to do, his doubt is his, not yours to change.  All you can do is be sober, be open with where you are and where you have been.  Let him follow you around the house and smile at him when he turns up behind you.  Of course he doesn't trust.  If he sees you not going after a stash and being sober and honest long enough, he'll eventually quit and go do something else.  Again, it'll require patience.

I hope you'll start workin gon those steps with a sponsor right away!

Thanks for your support.  Your statement made total sense and I totally understand that.  I have to earn his trust back.  I know how much he loves and supports me.  He even called me right after my meeting to see how it went and tell me how much he loves me and how proud he is  of me :)

The meeting went well.  I was really inspired because there was a woman there who was at the last meeting I attended and she was celebrating her 1 year bday today!  There were lots of people there that remembered me and were so happy to see me back.

I'm tired, physically and mentally, but my friend (whom I am hoping will sponsor me) assured me it will get better.  Not sure if I'm tired from withdrawal or if I'm still recovering from my 3 day binge last weekend.  I'm just glad I am not drunk, to have woken up fairly clear headed and making it through my day. 

It seems like 4:00 was my "trigger" time, but I did meet another woman who was a "stasher" too and could totally relate because that was her trigger time as well.  My husband told me that he was also thinking of ways that we could all keep busy during that time so it wouldn't be a hard time for me to handle.

So, with white chip in hand, I am moving forward, day by day.  I am going to start my daily meditations earlier in the, so I can really clear my head and focus before I have to get my day started.  I am also going to start journaling again.  I used to journal regularly and I remember how much I felt when I got all my thoughts down on paper. 

Anyway, enough rambling, off to pick up my girls from school and then back home to speak to my AA friend.

Hugs,

Nikki

...good for you Nikki...I'll be out at soccer all evening...but, I'll check back in later..and, it is so nice to be free from thinking about drinking the entire time I am out there "enjoying" the soccer game...

Monica