Horrible for the child and horrible for you......more for the child. The children are very impressionable.
I agree with get counseling as soon as you can...but you have to get out of that situation. The child is 4 and you can arrange visitation to spend good time with the child.
I know you feel like the child is yours and she probably is yours more than anyone elses. But, in reality she isn't yours....unless you plan on making her yours by a custody battle against her Dad and her Mom.
It seems you need to get away from this man, but that does not mean you are deserting his daughter..Even if you are not part of HIS life you can still be in the little girls life
YOu have to look way down deep and see if you want to make a commitment to support this child for the rest of her life. If you don't you shouldn't feel guilty and only you know what you want to do and if whatever it is...IF it is not with ALL your heart than you shouldn't do it. If you want her in your life and you want to be her "mother" than you will have to fight for her.
It sounds to me like you stay with him because you have guilt or concern as to what will happen to the child and maybe you don't want the responsibility...but are afraid to let the child down. By staying in a situation for someone else...you let yourself down and in the end you will be burnt out and no good for the child....and if he is addicted...your fights and problems will get worse and that is not good for the child. You can still stay involved in her life....by setting play dates and quality time with the girl.
A counselor can help you with how to explain your departure to the girl. My sisters kids act out a little bit - I think from confusion because since my sister got divorced there have been a couple of men that she had live in her house...the kids get attached and then she breaks up with them. One of the guys maintains contact with the kids and still does alot of things with the kids....and the kids are ok....you can learn a lesson from this and so can your b/f about being more careful the next time you fall in love with someone that has kids...Its a hard way to learn that people who have kids.....in my opinion...should not move in with anyone until they are SURE it is a lifelong commitment.
You did not cause this mans addiction and you are not going to fix it....and making you feel guilty about the daughter is manipulation. The daughter will be fine. Best case: you still have HER in your life somehow, so you know what is going on with HER and you can help HER. Worst case: you move on and don't look back....their destiny is not your responsibility and should not be your burden.
But dont stay in a situation that is not making YOU happy. You have one life to live.....try to make it happy.
Missy
