Who does that? Its so weird......I did it today for like the 4th time in my WHOLE life. Before I talk about that...its like when my boyfriend told me he was staying on a fishing trip....in the RAIN...in a camper...In the woods....everyone was drinking and he has been sober 20 years.....WHO stays in the woods, in the rain, in a camper on a fishing trip SOBER? That was really odd to me and I did not see the point in it. I think I could do that....now (4 years later).....
I left work early today for some piece of mind. I knew that I had to rake leaves.....I was anxious about it....I pulled in the driveway saying to myself....you can do this.....I WAS STILL SO SCARED. I am 4 years sober and the thought of raking the leaves without any BEER is just NOT FUN. Not that I really had FUN when I was drinking raking leaves...and I'm sure it took alot longer because I had to stop every two seconds for a sip....but raking leaves and drinking beer just have always gone together for me.
My youngest son thankfully was out there...waiting to help me....I know I would have done it without drinking...but doing it with him....made it so much easier...and a lot more fun. Nobody thinks of this stuff.....Nobody thinks "I AM GOING TO HAVE TROUBLE RAKING THE LEAVES WITHOUT A BEER". Except people like us....but it is INSANE...and it is scary....
I DID IT! And I was so proud afterward....I rode by my house a few times to see how nice it looked....if I was drinking....I would have finished...came in the house and slept the rest of the day....I ended up taking my dog to get his nails cut....taking my son to McDonalds.....going to visit my parents....and here I am...my Dad gave me a book, my mother and my sister and I were laughing about those pandora bracelets....my mother loves jewlery and we were teasing her.....JUST SO MUCH LIFE GOING ON WHEN YOU DON't DRINK.
This stuff was going on around me for many years...and alot of time I was part of it...but I was drunk....and all I cared about was getting the next beer, it was so much work. I'm glad I raked the leaves today....I'm thankful for everything I got to do today...because I don't drink.
I also explained to my son on our way into Bennys to buy a dog collar...that 4 years ago...I should have been dead....and that I am very lucky to be alive today....I need to remember that....because even after 4 years...it is sometimes hard to shake the thought of the drink.
If your struggling...with doing little things around the house....I promise you....it does get better, everything used to be SO hard for me early in sobriety...the only reason the leaves were hard today is because they are done so infrequently - maybe next year....the thoughts will be less.
Missy
