Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery

Hi all,

Made it to a meeting before work.  Glad I did.  Sadly there was a woman in the meeting who showed up drunk and went on a rant about how she needed to go to rehab (she was supposedly leaving tomorrow) because she couldn't do it on her own and needed someone to do "it" for her (whatever "it" is)  Well, needless to say, I called my sponsor after the meeting to talk about what happened.  I kept thinking while this poor woman was ranting on and on, "wow, that's me" It was really like a big splash of cold water in my face.  My sponsor said that her being there was a reason, and it was.  It was almost like looking into a mirror.  Wow.  It's sad to see that's how others view me when I am drunk, but it was.

Today I had a horrible, actually beyond horrible day at work.  I was terribly betrayed by someone whom I thought was my friend.  Something like that usually is a big trigger for me but I kept saying "Thy Will Be Done" over and over in my head.  I blew off some steam with my boss, left early and met my family for dinner.  Normally I would have had at least 3 drinks at dinner to "settle" my nerves after what had happened, but when the waitress handed us the drink menu, I handed it right back and just tried to relax, control my breathing and just enjoy a sober meal with my husband and kids (for a change)  Although I was pretty uptight and a had a bit of a short temper (my kids were overtired, hungry and cranky) I did ok and didn't even glance at the bar next to where we were sitting.  Quite an achievment for me, I'm proud to say.  After reading Missy's post about raking leaves sober, I am looking forward to doing everyday "normal" things sober.  It was so nice to wake up this morning with a clear head and not feeling sick to my stomach. 

Anyway, enough rambling for tonight.  I just felt like sharing and thanks again for all of your support.  I love reading your posts.  They are very inspiring and they are helping me keep in the "moment"  I sort of feel like a baby taking her first steps.  Everyday will be a new challenge, but that's ok.  After the big blowout at work, I felt like I was sort of being "tested" and I am proud that one bad moment didn't ruin my last few days of clean living.

Gnight all.  Sweet dreams!

Nikki

Thanks for sharing your experience.  We struggle in the beginning because everything is so raw - our emotions are all over the place, and life has the nerve to go on!  Take each day, one at a time.  Sometimes it is a minute at a time....

My father is in recovery but he wasn't always sober.  I remember one time he and my mom came to visit me in SC.  I was sober less than a year and still shaky at times.  We went out to dinner in Charleston, about 2 hours from where I lived.  When we were at the restaurant, I realized that my dad was drunk.  Apparently, he had been sneaking drinks all afternoon.  My stomach did a roll and my heart was in my mouth.  I wanted to lash out at him but I couldn't - my young daughter was with us and I needed to remain calm.  So, I went into the restroom and got down on my knees in front of the toilet and prayed for help like I had never prayed before.  I was far from home, away from my AA friends and sponsor, and my only source of power was God.  Well, He answered me almost immediately.  I felt a total calmness come over me and I was actually able to separate what my father was doing from my own recovery and those awful feelings.  We got through the dinner without an incident and back home safely.  I did not feel alone anymore after I prayer - somehow I just "felt" that I would be okay - and I was.

So, for what it is worth - when coworkers act up or something else happens - remember to ask your HP for help - just that simple.  It worked for me and it can work for you!

God bless, Leslie

Thanks Leslie.  I did exactly what you said to do, I just kept saying, "let live, let God" in my head whenever I felt negative thoughts creep in, which is easy to do when everyone around me kept trying to stir the pot and find out what happened.  My ex friend/co worker is an addict, so I just sort of looked at her like she was sick like me, and tried to keep my peace with it all.  I tried really hard just to keep out of the mess, and just focus on my job.  She has already latched on to someone else, so it's a blessing.  I am starting to realize how toxic to myself and my job being around her really was/is.  You can't fix other people, you need to just focus on yourself. I am glad you kept it together for your daughter's sake.  I have 2 girls myself, and now that I am getting clean, sober and focused, I am finding that they seem so much more happy to be around me.  I am not yelling at them or snapping at them all the time.  It's nice to be calm and focused for a change.  It's been a while since they have seen me that way. I am sure your daughter loves having her mommy back too :) 

Thanks for sharing your story with me.  It's such a relief to read everyones posts.  It makes me feel less alone.  I have found a great sponsor, and after a long hard productive day, I am going to hit the sack early and go to a morning meeting tomorrow. 

Hugs to you!

Nikki

Its all the little moments like that which make us stronger....and SO proud!  No-one understands that like another alcoholic.....

The reason why you come in here...talk about stuff like this and get all these responses is because we understand.  If you said this stuff to anyone else....they do not understand the power that alcohol has over us...or HAD over us.  

BABY STEPS is what my sponser always used to say to me (that stuck out in your post to me).....Its so TRUE everything is a freakin baby step.

I told this story in here many times....I did not vacuum my house for 8 months into sobriety (someone else was living here and thankfully did it).  But, I was afraid of the chore....I ONLY cleaned while drinking for 20 years.....I did it one day...and then cried when done because I was so relieved I COULD do it...but the 8 months of sobriety...that was one thing I could not do "clean"....baby steps were...just get thru a work day without drinking....go to meetings....WORK is a huge trigger...and that was enough in the early days.

It IS A MIRACLE and a "gift" that you didn't drink - other people don't understand....Just know that there are people in AA that do understand that...and we understand that....don't give in to those first urges....THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

All those sayings helped me get thru the baby steps too.