Hi, I'm Deb and welcome to the board. I'm actually on the Alcohol Problems Board, and I just popped over here to check out this board. Boy, do I know where you're coming from. I was in a 4 year relationship with an alcoholic. The first 2 years he was recovering and since I don't drink, I didn't understand the ramifications of alcoholism so I had no clue what I was in for. I ended our relationship just a little over 9 months ago because the last 2 years of our relationship, he went back to drinking and it was nothing shy of an emotional roller coaster.
His family and I tried everything to get this man to stop drinking. We tried threatening, begging, crying, you name it. I even split with him for a period of time and he did try to quit drinking. But unfortunately, when an alcoholic tries this without getting some sort of help, the sobriety is short lived and he fell off the wagon again. As his drinking increased, his Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde persona surfaced to the point that he became a monster to live with. A little over a year ago I started coming to the Alcohol Problems Board, going to Al-anon meetings, church and counseling. I learned that there was nothing I could do to make him stop drinking. He had to be the one to do it.
After exhausting every avenue, I came to no other recourse but to free myself of this destruction. It was destroying my family and I had to do what was necessary to save us from this tornado. It was the hardest decision I ever made, but I had to do it. It was only getting worse and he was dragging us right down the tubes with him. Like you, I worried that his addiction would eventually kill him because he drank to the point of passing out almost every weekend. I especially worried about it after we broke up.
Unfortunately my fears came to light on March 28. My ex bf went to a friend's house and got drunk to the point of passing out like he usually did, only this time he didn't wake up. His family and I were devastated. I never lost contact with his parents even though my relationship with him had ended. His mom thanked me for doing all I could to try to get him help. She reassured me that there was nothing I could've done and knows I tried like hell to prevent this from happening. It was ultimately he who had to take the steps to get sober and unfortunately he has no more chances.
There is no easy answer to your question because with alcohol/drug addiction is no such thing. All I can tell you is that I know what you're going through. I have felt your helplessness. You have to realize that you can't be held responsible for what he does to himself. It's not your fault. He's flirting with danger and I know first hand where it will land him eventually. My ex died at age 37 and had no idea how many people loved and cared for him. The addiction blinded him to it.
I am at a loss for words about how your bf's parents are handling this. I'm stunned. But, unfortunately, even if they got involved, it's still up to your bf to realize he has a problem and seek help. No one can make him do it. I feel your pain, Lord do I feel your pain. I'll be praying for you tonight. Take care and God bless.
Deb
Edited 4/15/2004 1:16 am ET ET by purple12001
