Bipolar Disorder

HELLO EVERYONE!  My name is Katie Z. and I've been reading on this site for a while now and  can relate to everything I've seen here. It  seems as though you all truly care for one another.   Hope I'm not intruding or being presumptuous, but I figured you might be able to relate to me as well.  I've been ill most of my life but only diagnosed schizoid-effective 10 or 11 years ago.          

           And I've been apologizing to my children ever since!!               

                Thought I'd break the ice with a piece I wrote back  in 2001                                        

                               WHAT HAPPENED ANYWAY

Some say "She's ill as a result of the drugs she does abuse."

Others claim "She started sick - that's why she seeks to use."

Religions blame demons at work  and Satan has his means,

The book-learned cry "Genetics fault !  It's passed on through the genes!"

"Abandonment, given away, rejected at her birth!"

"No, must have been an infant rape - that's why she feels no worth!"

I even heard one whacko guess "An alien abduction."

While students of the social arts are sure it's from"Society's corruption!"

Each one has a cause, effect and fix I must endure ~

But none can say which kills me first ~ my sickness or their cure.

One man once wisely told me that it's common ~ it's a fact ~

"Without some help, most of you die ~ from suiside attack."

I tried their pills - it helped some ills ~ but left me dead inside.

I had to quit to feel alive ~~~ ALIVE UNTIL I DIE! 

Hi Krazy Katie!

I love your story! 

Being different isn't neccessarily a bad thing.  I believe that sometimes being different can be a good thing.  God  has his special people and he has a purpose for us.  Many people who are bipolar are very creative.  We write poetry and stories.  We are artistis or musicians.  We believe in making the world a better place.

We never feel like we fit into society.  Perhaps we are aliens from another planet.  We have been abducted to the planet earth, where we must suffer and exist.  People are so cruel, or just plain stupid.  Why are we here?  What purpose must we serve?

Don't apologize to your children for who you are.  Be proud of who you are.  Teach your children to be proud of who they are.  Teach them  to use their talents for whatever good they can use them for.  Teach them to be good citizens.  Teach them that we should care about each other, "The Golden Rule," "Do unto others as y ou would have them do unto you."

It's other people  that can bring us down.  Don't let them!  Don't focus on your shortcomings or differences.  Focus on your strengths.

Our emotions,  thoughts, and ideals, can be like a magic dust that we sprinkle on the whole world, to help create a better place for you and I and the rest of society to live and be happy.

Mary Magdalene was different.  Jesus was different.  We all have something to share!

My view on life!

Coming from another krazy katie

Kathryn 2009

Thank you Kathryn,

Yeah,  it took a long time for me to get where I am today.  Secure in myself, aware of my illness and the value of my coping skills.  My sons are both grown with kids of their own now.  Since I was adopted and have no biological history, all we can gather is that this travels through the first born.  I was my natural mothers first, my first has it as well as his first.  No others are afflicted ~ but all are affected to be sure!

I raised them alone (one can imagine the stresses), and honestly they never knew who they were waking up or coming home to.  And because no one else in my family (or even my life) had any experience with it,  I was shunned as "the bad seed".  Pretty much left to my own devices.  Needless to say my children went through an abusive, emotional hell. 

Praise God for their coping skills as they are wonderful men, and my oldest is working on his illness with a lot more knowledge than I had.

Again thank you for this wonderful board and message of hope! 

(after reading my first entry - I wonder if the manic was at all noticeable???)