Hello slj57;
I feel like my situation is nothing in comparison to you but I feel your pain. I'm 46 yrs old, will be 47 in Dec, mother of two lovely boys. I was diagnosed with LCIS Lobular Carcinoma In-Situ in 2006, have had a Lumpectomy and this year because of reoccurrence had Bilateral Mastectomy & Reconstructive surgery. I did not need chemo, thank God. I know yu probably say, what are you telling me this for. Well, I believe you are having a hard time, just as I did with the unknown. The unknown can put you in such deep depression that you wish you would just die. i felt that way when i had to get a Mastectomy, so much so that I did what I've never done before. I reached out for help, yes help. The hospital that I happen to work across the street from, offered a Social Worker, Reikhi, Yoga. I would go at lunch time and lay on her bed and talk, cry, laugh and pray, then go right back to work. She was the only one who really understood. My boyfriend would keep telling me I would get over it and that I'm strong but that somehow did'nt do it. I then reached out to my church sisters, who came to my house to pray for me on Valentines Day, talk about love. The best one that I ever had. I've since had the mastectomy & TRAM-FLAP, I feel like a new woman.
I'm saying all of this to say, though your situation is bad. I can only suggest that you allow the emotions you're feeling to flow. Don't block it. Get help, the hospital must have some sort of counseling program for people in your situation. go for a walk, exercise, write down your feelings and begin to visualize what you want the outcome to be in this situation. I don't know if you have a relationship with God or care to but He provides a source of strength and love that no other human could. You can cry and talk to Him anytime. But reach out to people also
So i pray that He will give you the courage and strength to live the days you have as if it was the beginning.
Go and dance like no one is watching, love like you don'c care to be hurt.
Sharene
