Caregiver's Support

It's hard seeing my mother like this. She's had two brain tumor's removed from her brain stem. The first surgery I was only 4 years old...the second surgery was about 6 months ago.

My husband and I took care of her as long as we could. We even gave up our jobs.

At first it was just the shaking which progressed so much that she can't feed, dress or even move herself...We could handle that. However, when her mind started to go, that's when things got difficult.

It got to the point where we couldn't take care of her anymore and were forced to put her in a nursing home. I feel no end of guilt for that. Am I a bad person for doing this?

Even if I am a bad daughter, or a bad person...I miss her everyday.

Hi kdthomas106,

Welcome to our board.

No, I don't think you should look at yourself as a bad person because you felt your mom needed to be cared for in a nursing home.  Every situation is different and you have to do what works best for your mom and your family.  Guilt is a normal emotion to have; I think most of us caregivers have gone through this over and over.  From what you have written, you did as much as you could while your mom was in your home and now it's time for others to help you.

How has your mom reacted to this move?  Is she adjusting okay?  If she is having memory problems, does she still recognize you?  Is it close enough for you to visit fairly often?

Take it one day at a time and cherish the moments you have when you visit her.

 

Calley7

Now this is something I agree with.  You've done what you could and now it was time to get the pros involved.  I am usually critical when it comes to placing parents into a nursing home.  My mom still lives w/me at age 96 but she still has most of her functions under her own control even tho some are questionable....so no, you're not a bad person...don't be so hard on yourself.  Guilt is guilt.  Just know that you did the best you could for her and maybe those "feelings" w/subside in time.  You've got a life to live....go live it!  But don't forget about mom.

Colleen