Children of Alcoholic Parents

Hi this is my first time here. I am the adult child of an alcoholic father. My father has been an alcoholic since I was very young. He and my mother divorced befor I was a year old. My mother married a wonderful man when I was 2 and he has since adopted me and I call him dad. My biological father has 2 other children with my step mother (who has since divorced him) When I was a child I had to spend the weekends with this man. He was horribly verbally abusive to me. He was physically abusive to my step mother, I remeber keeping my brother and sister locked in a bedroom while he screamed at my step mother. I never told my real mother about this for fear she would confront my biological father. I was afraid that if she talked to him I would get in trouble the next time I was there.

Now I am 30 and have 2 children of my own. Since my daughters were born I have told my dad that he could see the girls if he was sober when I brought them over. The few times I took them there he was either drunk or had a beer in his hand. Now that my children are older (6 & 7) they are uncomfortable around him, so I dont take them there. We used to see my dad at Thanksgiving and Christmas. now we dont see him at all.

I cant handle being around him. I am disgusted by him and my skin crawls when he touches me. I havent talked to or seen my dad in almost a year. Is this horrible of me? My half brother and sister still see my dad. This is their only dad and I respect the fact that they still want to see him. My brother however gets very mad at me because I refuse to see my dad. Am I wrong?

Sorry this is so long.

Thank you
A.k.

Hello A.K. and welcome!

No, it is NOT horrible what you're doing! Many ACOAs tend to avoid the alcoholics in their lives. Here, we call it "detaching with love"... You can love and care the alcoholics in your life, but you can chose to not go along that road.

It's important to look out for yourself and your family.

We all have to deal with the grief of growing up ACOA in different ways. Some people try to have a relationship with the (sometimes ex-) alcoholics, others decide against it. It's all up to you. You need to do what makes you feel better.

Let me give you a link about a local meeting group (AL ANON) - maybe you'd like to check it out:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

I am so sorry though to read your post. It shows how hurt and sad you are. I think we all regret to have lost that relationship with the alcoholic in our lives. With me, it was my mom who drank and to this day I wish we could have a "normal" (well, what really IS 'normal' anyway?!) relationship with her. She is in an assisted living community right now and while I still call her and talk to her (she lives in Germany, I in the US so visiting has to be restricted) and write her, I would love to have a typical mother-daughter relationship... It's not easy.

You have come to a great place, I hope you'll stick around and get to know us all a bit better.

Welcome again to our board.