Child-Free by Choice

DH's vasectomy is scheduled for eight days away!  And I am scared.  I keep asking him if he's sure he wants to go through with this and he says yes.  No regrets.  Then I see friends of ours with their adorable daughter and I think, "maybe".  Then I think about all the times that wouldn't be adorable - nighttime feedings, diapers, pregnancy, and I think, "no".  One thing that has never changed is I don't want to be pregnant - at all.  I can't remember a time when I ever did.  So in essence, nothing will change with this procedure except I won't be able to get pregnant.  And this is a good thing.  I keep reminding myself that all the times I've ever considered kids, it always included adoption.  And so a vasectomy does not dismiss that option.  I could be 45 and that option is still there.  So why am I so scared?

I think it's normal to get nervous at this stage. Even if it's something that you've wanted for a long time, it probably always seemed abstract and "someday." I assume that you're nervous because of the surgery itself and what the recovery may entail for J, and that you are permanently heading into "no kids" territory. And yes...your friends' daughter may be cute but remember...it's different when they're your own. Ha! All of those negatives that you listed would be YOURS to deal with. No thanks, right? :)

Once the whole thing is done and J's recovered, I imagine you'll feel more like a big weight has been lifted and the anxiety will disappear. I wish you guys the best of luck for the procedure next week!

Having your DH undergo a vasectomy is a big, permanent milestone and I think it's perfectly natural to have some anxiety. Think of it along the same lines as getting married or starting a new job. You might be a little nervous or scared but that doesn't mean you're doing the wrong thing. It just means you're doing something different and you aren't certain where the road might take you.

I think you should focus on how long you've contemplated this moment and how much less you'll worry about an unplanned pregnancy when this is behind you. I also like your point about adoption. Even if both of you change your minds down the road, there's nothing saying that you can't find a way to parent.

I hope all goes well!

RoseAnn

Comparing it to a wedding is a good analogy because this is essentially the same thing I went through then.  I was so excited about it happening, then as it got closer and closer, I was so scared and so sick from the anxiety.  I knew I wanted to get married, I knew I wanted to marry Jamie, I was just scared about not knowing what the future held for us.

As a side note, RoseAnn, Jamie said he heard on the radio that the first "time" after a vasectomy it's extremely bloody.  I'd never heard this before.  Is it true?

<heard on the radio that the first "time" after a vasectomy it's extremely bloody>

Eww! I'd never heard that before and DH and I didn't experience that. We did wait...I don't remember how long after but I pretty much left it up to when DH thought he was healed enough. Maybe if you tried to do something too soon, that would happen? Or it's just a way to scare people from having a perfectly legitimate procedure. <eye roll>

RoseAnn