Depression Support

I read the other post of the husband that took his life and it sounds like my situation a little bit only reversed. I've suffered depression, PTSD, Social Anxiety with Agorophobia and non specific eating disorder. I also have cystic fibrosis, GERD, Migraines and aTendon Tear.

I'm currently waiting for trial on Social Security disability and then I can afford my entire bills on my own. Right now, I'm stuck because I depend on my husband for a paycheck. Right now that's all he's here for. I can't afford this place on my own as I only bring in public assistance right now. I can't go to my parents as they don't have room and they are more controlling than my husband. I want out of the marriage so bad and seems like I can't. Homeless shelters won't help me because they would have to split up my daughter and I as we can't get into an abusive womens shelter because it's not physical abuse. I really don't know what to do.

I take fluoxetine 60mg and xanax 1mg every 4-6 hours. Everyone knows there is something definitely wrong right now but I can't share except to my therapist but they just give me survival tips for now and I try them. Sometimes it works, other times it backfires in my face.

I try to be on the computer or working on jigsaw puzzles when he is home, but then get told I'm avoiding him. Have to have sex at least once a day or I'm cheating. Stuff like that. I've lost all energy, all drive. I just want to sleep all the time or be on here. Help me please.

Jennifer

Jennifer - nothing is worth taking your life.  NOTHING.  I know how it is to feel trapped in a cycle of depression that you think will never end, but it does end.  Do you think that the xanax might be slowing you down so much that you only want to sleep?  Here's a question:  even if it is, what is wrong with sleeping or posting a lot?  I know what you mean about not having any energy, but if that's the way you need to cope while waiting for the disability claim to to settle, so what?  If you feel physically rotten, are you getting any exercise at all?  Sounds trite but I do think it helps.  I swim at the local rec center three times a week and it does help with just general achiness.  Can you take walks around where you live, or at the local mall?

One other suggestion:  If you are sure you want a divorce, see if there is any way you could speak to an attorney just for a consultation on what you can do now.  Maybe you could get a free visit to a legal aid place.  It may give you some hope that you have a goal in sight, and that you are doing what you can to get there.  Don't move out until you have some legal advice.  You also don't have to have sex with your husband unless you want to; it's your body and you have a right to say no.

Hang in there,

Deb

Thank you for the words of support. I've already contacted an attorney and get the marriage nullified but I have no where to go with my child if I leave. Yet, if he leaves right now I can't afford this place on my own. The shelters wont help me even the ones for domestic abuse. They will help just me. My daughter would have to go to social services. I don't think so. Being on the computer and doing puzzles is relaxing until he starts harping on me for not spending time with him. I forgot in my last post to mention that I have RLS/PLMD, REM Sleep Behavior Disorder and Parasomnia. I just have no friends anymore, no desire to leave the house. I do have an appointment today with my psychiatrist so that couldn't be more perfect and my psychologist on Friday. I signed up for groups however with my depression and anxiety I never seem to get there. I will be going to the Mayo Clinic at some point. My doctors sent a referral and just waiting for insurance approval now. Thanks for your support. I also do exercise about an hour a day. I don't know. Now I'm just rambling

Jennifer