I think you need to really think about this relationship you are in, both for your sake and the sake of your children. First of all, any abusive of any kind is NOT OK. Not if he's bi-polar, not if he's "just really stressed out", not ever under any circumstance. He will never change his behavior, and if you ignore the way your children are feeling your only setting yourself up for more hardships in the future. I was the same age as your youngest when my parents divorced and I lived with my mother. We went through some really rough years after the divorce. We were broke and she couldn't find a job that could support us (after spending 20 yrs as a stay at home mom). There was also her string of really awful boyfriends. The worst one was really "crazy" (I don't know exactly what was wrong with him, but it was a combination of depression, alcoholism, and probably a little bi-polar). He was nice one minute, then verbally abusive the next. He used to drive by our house constantly, call and hang up, and this behavior all continued even after they would "break up" (usually it would escalate). Finally, after another break up, followed by his hysterical pleas to my mom to take him back, he showed up at our house in a rage. He was irrational, demanding everything he ever "gave" my mom back (tires, jewelry, clothing, EVERYTHING). He was outside shouting at her, shouting insults at me (I was inside at the window, phone in hand ready to call the cops), and I will never forget that.
I'm just trying to stress to you how bad this situation with your boyfriend really is. By exposing your kids to his behavior and abuse, you are setting them up to a) probably resent you for what they see as "choosing your boyfriend over them" and b) seek out equally abusive or disfunctional relationships themselves. Also, they are at the ages when depression usually rears it ugly head, so you should be on the look out for any warning signs (which your unfortunately all too familiar with yourself). Kids are more perceptive than you might think, and they probably are well aware of how sad you are. You need to focus on YOU, and YOU includes your children. Kick the boyfriend to the curb, and replace him with a best girlfriend that can help you get through these hard times.
It's hard to see any kind of light at the end of the tunnel when you can't even remember what the light looks like. But there's no magic pill (trust me, I've tried them all) or overnight solution to any of this. Going back to school is a great start but things are not going to get any better unless you make some major changes to your life. Abusive relationships are a cycle. If your "taught" that abusive and love go hand in hand, it is hard to unlearn that on your own. You need to remember you are better than that, and your kids do not deserve to have to live in that environment. It is very very hard to be a single mom, but you don't have to settle. Try looking online and asking friends and family members for help or suggestions. Have you considered nursing?? It's a very indemand career you can have anywhere in the country, and the pay isn't have bad either. Plus, helping others is a great anti-depressant.
Sorry for coming on so strong. It's just that your situation is so much like mine. It's especially like my mothers. She never saw a light at the end of the tunnel either. But she chugged along, and last year finally remarried (at age 55) a great man that I couldn't be happier with. They moved to Oregon (her childhood home she had been homesick for for over 25 years) and seem to have found their happily ever after. I try to use her so called success story to keep me going, so i hope by sharing it with you, maybe it will help you too.
