discussion title:
A lurker unlurks, says hello & applauds
Greetings all, I have periodically visited this board over the years that I have been an ivillage member, but I never wrote because I am in major perimenopause (I am 48), and I long ago gave up my quest for children. Like many here, I have endometriosis, which was officially diagnosed when I was in my early 30's, although I suspected I had it when I was about 25 and had excruciating bowel pain whenever I had my period. My gynecologist at the time never investigated it, and I ignored the signs. I thought I was normal - but truthfully having hugely heavy periods, bowel pain, and intense cramps was not normal--I just ignored it.I was in my early 30's when the endo, and a conglomeration of uterine and fallopian tube deformities were discovered after I had suffered a miscarriage. I had gone through all the requisite tests (especially the lovely hysterosalpingogram) when I learned all of this.
I had gone through the requisite fertility treatment options available then -Clomid, artificial and then intrauterine inseminations; I went through numerous injections of Pergonal and HCG, more inseminations and then a GIFT procedure, gamete intrafallopian tube transfer, a procedure just shy of IVP. Nothing worked. In between these cycles I had about 5 surgeries for the endo --I was stage III/IV, with chocolate cysts, adhesions and implants throughout my abdominal area, especially the cul de sac. And I learned that despite all these efforts, because I had a sluggish fallopian tube and a malformed uterus my chances of getting pregnant and maintaining a pregnancy were slim to none. Even if I could have sustained a pregnancy, I would have been in bed for 9 months and classified as high risk. I was physically,psychologically and emotionally exhausted, and I stopped it all.
I had my last surgery in April 1995 and have been basically pain free since then. Recently I am noticing an increase in pain once more, despite being in perimenopause. I still get my period, but it is changing as my hormones are doing their slow wind-down. The pain is not what it used to be though --14 years ago I was in huge pain 3 weeks out of every month, except my period week; now, the pain is bearable..like a small headache.
I want to honor and applaud all of you who are going through this, and for the immeasurable support you give to one another, including me, even though I am in a different life stage. I obviously completely understand what you are going through, and I am with you so much in spirit. During the the critical time I was going through this most of my friends had no idea what I was going through, even though they were concerned. I was also surrounded by several friends having babies, which was very hard for me, though I celebrated their joy despite my sorrow. And yet there is absolutely nothing more important than having the support of others who empathize completely. Ivillage was not available then so having this as a huge support tool is wonderful --I am certain it eases the ache for all.
I wish you all the best of luck in your quests, and much support.
Mystic
