Cancer: Friends & Family Support

UPDATE: My husbands Aunt passed this weekend, he's not doing so well and his father isn't doing well either I'm glad I found this site, I've learned a lot.  Thank you,  now this below seems pitty to me, ugh what was i thinking.

Thank you again.

Maybe someone can help me understand, My cousin in law is losing her mother  2 days ago they gave her 24 hrs. but now their saying she might survive a little longer.

Hi there,

I'm sorry that the family is going through the difficult process of possibly losing a loved one.  I do hope and pray that your cousin-in-law's mother is able to enjoy life for a little bit longer than anticipated.

While I can appreciate your hurt feelings regarding your cousin-in-law and friend, you have to keep in mind that you introduced them to each other last year, and that obviously they have become good friends.  It's OKAY to have mutual friendships, there is no harm in it.  I introduced a best friend of mine to another close friend of mine years ago, and they formed a friendship.  That was my whole point of introducing them to each other.  :)

Your friend ended up sharing with you what she and your cousin-in-law talked about without you asking.  That means something, that they're open with you, not keeping things from you.  Don't be weirded out by it.  This is an innocent thing.

Your cousin-in-law has gained a larger support system, she's going through a really difficult time.  You're still her relative, you're still her friend.  Just be there for her, there is no need for hurt feelings. 

My dad was diagnosed with cancer in July '08.  My sister passed away in January '09.  I called upon more than just one friend, I needed the support of many people in my life.

I've been quite ashamed of way too many of my reactions and feelings since my husband was diagnosed.  It all seems directed at damaging me and I'm hurt by (or mad at) everybody much of the time.  I think when something so major and significant is happening, our judgment goes out the window and we really can't trust our own feelings.

In your case, I'm wondering whether she was afraid you'd be too close to the situation and have too strong feelings yourself, whereas your good friend is somebody she's learned to trust in a brief acquaintance and can talk to with herself being the only one having intense feelings.  Not meaning to cut you out at all. 

Hope this is some help to you.  I'm sorry for your family's loss.

thank you i think that now since time has passed I've gotten over the shock our family is going through so much right now.  I've learned to keep my own feelings aside and think of her right now.  I think ur right i think she needed to vent and i was to close to the whole thing.

Thank you for putting some light into the situation

((((((Motherlucy))))))

Hello, there. I'm glad you found us. I have nothing to add, really, to the other great replies you've had other than I think they are both right. Maybe your cousin-in-law is trying protect you. Or maybe she's wanting to take some of your hurt away by not causing more. So many people with a cancer diagnosis do not think clearly and they may be afraid of causing someone to feel guilty or of placing an extra burden on those closest to them. Give her time. Just always be there, loving, supporting and giving lots of hugs. You might want to take a look in the Inspiration Room folder below for some good ideas on what you can do for your CIL and her mother. Good luck and let us know what transpires. We truly care!

Wishing you a moment of peace, Geri