Cancer: Friends & Family Support

I am new to the message boards but didn't know where else to go or who else to talk to...My mom has had cancer for a couple years.  It statred as ovarian cancer, she had a hysterectomy and supposedly the cancer was gone (no chemo or radiation).  The she started having bladder problems, they had to keep putting stints in that would collapse.  They finally realized she had a tumor in her liver and her lung.  They stated with rounds of chemo, changed it twice without any success, they cancer has now spread to a lymphnode or two and the tumor in her liver is 70% of her liver.  Anyway after stopping chemo and giving her a pill that was suppose to stunt the tumors growth, the Dr's tell  her now that they can make her comfortable and she can stop all treatment because they are failing.

I am 30 years old (the oldest of three kids) I just had a baby and I also have a 5yr old and 2 yr old.  I have known for months now that I was losing my mom but I think it might have just hit home.  My father is already talking about her estate and settling things.  I am not ready for this.  I am not ready to explain death death to my kids, I am not ready to stop gettting my daily call from my mom.  She has been sick for a while now so I have already kinda adjusted to not going out shopping with her or her stopping by here to hang out.  Today her Dr's recommened hospice to her.  I think my mom realized at this point that there was no more hope for her.  She told me in tears she wasn't ready to die.  I was at a loss for words to comfort her.  For the first time I realized my mom just realized she was dying and didn't have much longer.  I know it is important to spend precious moments with her now and for my kids too.  But how do I comfort her, what do I say to make a dying woman feel better, what do I do??  What can she do??  I don't know if I have the strength to do this but somehow I have to find it and try. 

Thanks for listening...

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through and I wish you all the best.  I do have a website to suggest:

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/endoflifeissues.html

When my dad was in his final days of his battle with cancer recently, I found this.  And it's sponsored by the U.S. National Library of Medicine and the National Institue of Health, so it's realiable information.  I don't recall which page it's on, but there are suggestions on what to say to a dying loved one, which may be especially helpful to you.

Good luck,

Christi

I'm so sorry about your mom, my heart aches for you and your family.  When a family is hit with this sort of tragedy, it's so difficult to truly know what to say and do.

Christi gave you some good info.
Continue to talk to Mom, be there for her.  Talk to her, let her know how much you love her. 

Perhaps you can speak to a priest, a minister -- does your mom belong to a church?  When we knew that my sister was dying (not from cancer) I was able to talk to our parish priest from time to time, he was so very compassionate.
My sister passed away in January of this year.

Again, I'm so sorry...
Vida