Families & Mental Illness

I know October is one of his worst months. Before he was diagnosed, I thought he had a birthday issue, since he and his mom both have birthdays this month. But I learned over time, his dramatic fluctuations are more than that, and directly related to his bipolar. He used to blame me, so at least we seem to be making progress. 

So in the past week it started raining so it's gloomy out. Last night he admitted that he is feeling depressed. He, for the first time, admitted that, he has had suicidal thoughts, every day since the age of 14, though he would "never act on them." He has never told anyone before, not even his psych doc. He says he has a suicidal thought, then pushes it aside with a gratitude.  They are only momentary and not something he dwells on. They just "come up." He never told anyone, because he has just always thought of it ,as part of himself.

We discussed the fact that he also feels anxiety, and maybe could benefit from an anti-anxiety med, and now is NOT the time to go off Zyprexa and he SHOULD NOT wait 3 months till his next appointment to see his psych doc. Like he needs to call her TODAY to make an appointment.

He has told me about 3 times, in the last couple of weeks, that if he didn't have me and dd he "doesen't know if he would be alive."

Now the hard part for me is always trying to figure out when he is manipulating, and when he is being real. Isn't that sad? I do know that he is probably fighting depression right now, because it's time for him to, and I know he really tries to mask it. I catch glimpses of him and his body language that are true indicators that he can't hide. He isn't drinking, porning or using any of his usual addictions or crutches right now, so he seems to be sort of white knuckling it.

Of course, we can't share this with his family. His mother will go into Chicken Little mode. His brother will suggest spending excess amounts of money on some world travel fun and forgetting his obligations to home and family. His dad will tell him to grow up.

Anyone with some wisdom on treating the anxiety and/or depression component of bi-polar? What has/hasn't worked for their loved one. For the most part we deal with managing the hypomania. But since he is finally recognizing  and ADMITTING to this other part, any help is appreciated. The Dr. had prescribed him Ambien to help him sleep, but he has been afraid to take it, because of the suicidal ideation side effect. I guess this is what finally got him to admit he actually has these thoughts and has had them as a "normal" part of his daily thought process, for many years. It's a new one on me, because even when he was psychotic, he didn't talk about suicide.

Lets keep our fingers crossed that the meds get him through the depression. How did you get him to see the dr. before 3 months? Congrats on that & sticking to your guns! Whether he says he'd never act on the thoughts or not, watchful waiting, though exhausting is in order. You already know actions speak louder than words. GL! (((hugs))) jan
Suicide Warning Signs

Talking about suicide

Any talk about suicide, dying, or self-harm. Includes statements such as "I wish I hadn't been born," "If I see you again...," "I want out," and "I'd be better off dead."

Seeking out lethal means

Looking for ways to commit suicide. Seeking access to guns, pills, knives, or other objects that could be used in a suicide attempt.

Preoccupation with death

Unusual focus on death, dying, or violence. Writing poems or stories about death.

No hope for the future

Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and being trapped ("There's no way out"). Belief that things will never get better or change.

Self-loathing, self-hatred

Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, shame, and self-hatred. Feeling like a burden ("Everyone would be better off without me").

Getting affairs in order

Making out a will. Giving away prized possessions. Making arrangements for family members.

Saying goodbye

Unusual or unexpected visits or calls to family and friends. Saying goodbye to people as if they won't be seen again.

Withdrawing from others

Withdrawing from friends and family. Increasing social isolation. Desire to be left alone.

Self-destructive behavior

Increased alcohol or drug use, reckless driving, unsafe sex. Taking unnecessary risks as if they have a "death wish".

Sudden sense of calm

A sudden sense of calm and happiness after being extremely depressed can mean that the person has made a decision to commit suicide.