This is long, so sorry. My husband and I have been having trouble with our relationship since its beginning, and sadly has started to break apart. We began seeing a marriage counselor/therapist early in the summer, and after 2 meetings with us, she asked hubby if anyone had ever tested him for ADHD. No one had, so she did, and he passed (failed??) with flying colors. Off the charts for ADHD issues. I had long suspected that something like this was a large part of the problems we were having, but even though he had been to through therapy before several times for other issues, no one else had ever brought this up as a possibility. I was actually hopeful when she gave us his diagnosis, hoping that if he could get help, we could begin to work on our marriage. At first he was very willing, he started taking & adjusting medications (he was already taking some for depression/anxiety), said he wanted to have extra counseling sessions to help him learn what was going on, why his actions were so detrimentally stressful to me (he never thought he had any problems at all, just that he was so 'put upon' by the world, and me especially), and how to modify his behavior.
This didn't last long. We had to take a few weeks off for an extended vacation, and when we got back, he never went back for counseling. I didn't even realize he wasn't going, since he usually went during work hours. Things went from bad to worse once we discovered I was pregnant. I couldn't handle the stress of dealing with him, it was making me physically ill. He was clearly in denial about his issues - everything became my fault. We fought every day, and in the end, I've had to leave him just to give myself and our 2 sons some peace. I don't want our marriage to end, I've asked that we continue to go to marriage counseling, and he promised me he would start his therapy sessions again.
This week was his first week back in therapy. He attended his first session, but skipped the second. He wouldn't have told me if I hadn't caught him - I was dropping off some things during the time he should've been at therapy. His excuse at first was that he overslept, but then he said, "I have ADD - what did you expect"
I don't what to do. I've asked our therapist for help, she gave suggestions on things I could do or say to try and cue him into listening and focusing, but they don't work unless he is a willing participant also. I know he's in shock, he was the kind of person who would adamantly say that there was no such thing as ADHD, and now he's been told he has it. I love my husband, I don't want our marriage to end, I don't want to abandon him when he is in so much flux, but I just can't deal with the physical and emotional stress over dealing with a person who has a problem and is unwilling to accept help.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Is there something I could say, or do to help get him past the denial and back into a path of acceptance and getting the help he needs? Anyone diagnosed as an adult, was there anything that was most helpful in helping to gain control?
