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Adults with ADD/ADHD

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Emotionally fried. Long post.

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message #:
  3878.1
from:
  whspatron
date:
  Oct-27 10:40 am
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  2

Hi all, I'm 22 and about a month ago I was diagnosed with ADD. I told my medicinal therapist that I was having a lot of problems academically that were becoming a major concern with me. I have also been diagnosed Bipolar I since I was about 14 and am on some pretty heavy doses of anti depressants (Seroquel, Lamictal, Ativan, and I also take Lunesta for severe insomnia.) I feel very stable on the medication. I'm in college, and I felt I could sit in class for 2+ hours, or even read chapters from a book in an assignment and felt like I retained none of it. I kept saying to myself, "Well maybe I'm not as smart as everyone else." She put me on 50mg of Vyvanse and to say the least, it has helped tremendously. I feel as if my thoughts do not wander during class and I am taking better notes. I'm also hyper-focusing a lot and it has helped me get more work done. My boyfriend has commented before my ADD diagnosis that I looked like "I wasn't around." Sometimes I'll be sitting next to him and just completely staring into space and he'll look at me and say, "Where are you at now?" (We try to laugh about it sometimes.) And sometimes he'll tell me that I look sad and I'm becoming emotionally distant. I guess sometimes you don't even know you're acting different until someone points it out. Sometimes I feel like my thoughts are like a TV that just keeps changing the channel. I'm always thinking about something, one way or another, and I'm beginning to feel emotionally exhausted. I do not handle stress very well at all and some days I feel like I'm relapsing into those dark places. I get into a funk and I can't even get out of bed, which is happening so far this week. I'm going to move in with my boyfriend and although I've had brief discussion with him about my issues I'm afraid of completely exposing him to my depression and anxiety. I'm divorced and my ex-husband and also others around me, have judged me for my mental differences. I'm not sure how to bring up this conversation with him. Although I feel stable, one minute I'm fine and the next minute I'm irritable and completely silent. I'm a really bad pacifist and I avoid confrontation. I'm learning to deal with my demons every day.
My mother also has a prescription dependency problem and I think she's been stealing my medications even though I keep them all in a fire safe box that can only be opened with the key I keep on me at all times. I only have 2 days left of Vyvanse and I don't see my doctor until next week. I have not told her my mom has had issues with drugs in the past, and I'm hoping she won't assume I've been abusing my stimulant medication since I know a lot of kids my age do. I take my medication as directed. The prospect of not being able to refill my meds and have them when I need them is making me irate. The pills I'm taking cost me almost $2 a piece! I might have to start taking my medications to my grandmothers house so no one will have access to them. I'm not sure how to confront this issue. I have been to numerous therapists that I hoped would have an unbiased opinion for me, but have never found one I could "bond with".
Sorry this is so long. I don't have many people to talk with about my issues, and I've been helped with this message board and the posts I've been reading. How do you cope with living with another person, ie, significant other, and also have the other roommate -- depression, ADD, and even anxiety...
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Emotionally fried. Long post.

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message #:
  3878.2 in response to 3878.1
from:
  cl-sharonb2002  Member Icon
to:
  whspatron
date:
  Oct-27 3:49 pm
replies:
  2

I'm so sorry you are feeling overwhelmed.  I guess that comes with the territory when your mind tends to work differently than the way you would like it to.

I have been up front about it with the people close to me.  At first, it was hard to really explain to people what was going on with me.  I had a very hard time admitting how severe the problem was.  When I told my parents I had ADD, they thought I was being silly.  If only they knew how bad it really was.  I was able to hide it very well. 

The one person I can't hide it from is myself. 

I'm divorced.  The ADD did contribute in part to some of my past marital problems, but it wasn't the main cause.  It added friction to an already rough pairing of two opposite personalities.  So when my ADD would interfere with my ex's vision of who he thought his wife should be.... it was bad.  We were married for 7 years before I was finally diagnosed with ADD.  Before that, he probably thought I was screwing things up on purpose.

I'm in a relationship now... engaged actually.  I was totally up front with him about it.  I explained to him my quirks and problems that I've faced and things I'm working on.  So now, when I blurt out something random, he knows where it's coming from.  I'm sure some things may still bother him, but he doesn't say anything.  Plus, some of the major problems in my last relationship are less of a problem now because I have been paying particularly close attention to fixing them.  It takes discipline to build up the new habits, but I found that building good habits is a good way to cope with the ADD. 

Hope this helps. 

Sharon

CL - Adults with ADD/ADHD
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