discussion title: high female sex drive is a problem
I'm a 39 y/o female. I have recently discovered that I have a very high sex drive. It has not always been like this. It was no where close to being like this in my last long term relationship. My S.O. is wonderful at satisfying me. We have been together for about 1 year now, but knew each other in high school and just reconnected again. We have great sex and we love each other dearly. The problem is it still doesn't seem to be enough, I want more. It doesn't matter if I have multiple orgasms or not. I'm afraid that this is effecting our relationship. I think he may feel that he is disappointing me and letting me down, or not good enough. This is not the case. How can I control myself? We have talked about the issue. He says that it's ok and I'm just hitting my sexual prime. But I feel like it is so unfair to him. I want him to be happy too. I know the reality is that we can't have sex everyday due to real life of work and other commitments. I know most women would love to have multiple orgasms and a high sex drive, but right now it seems to be a curse to me. I just don't know what to do! I feel really awful about this!
re: high female sex drive is a problemmessage #: 5899.2 in response to 5899.1
Hi, and welcome, I'm Nenu, Community Leader of this board. You have several things going on, so I'll try and touch on all of them.First of all, if your boyfriend says he is happy with your sex life, then I suggest you believe him. If he says he is happy you are so aroused and have such a strong libido, and that you are hitting your prime, please believe him. It sounds as though he does understand, but you said this:
"I'm afraid that this is effecting our relationship. I think he may feel that he is disappointing me and letting me down, or not good enough."
I want to tell you that you have to believe him, and don't stress yourself with imagining what he may feel. Trust him to tell you what he truly does feel. It's also possible that he remembers a time when he was constantly horny and aroused, as a teen-ager or young adult, and truly does understand that you feel that way, and it isn't something you control.Since you are happy with him, and are in a good, healthy relationship, it could be that you have relaxed and aren't stressed about your relationship, and your libido has reponded by increasing. Some women (many, I suspect), do find their libidos increasing at a certain age. However, if you are really concerned and feel like your libido is overwhelming you, please take a look at this article. You may or may not find that everything in it applies to you, but it might be of interest to know that this could be part of what you are dealing with, it isn't something voluntary, and that other women are faced with it, too.Always aroused, a good thing gone awry.Take care, and please come back and talk about it, if that would help.Nenu
CL – Sexual Health
I must warn you, flattery is something only your target may believe - Author unknown.
 
re: high female sex drive is a problemmessage #: 5899.3 in response to 5899.1
I went through something similar a few years ago. For several months -- actually more than a year, now that I think about it -- I experienced near-constant, insatiable arousal. Nothing satisfied me for more than a few minutes. It was physically uncomfortable and emotionally stressful. I felt isolated, as though I were the only woman who had ever experienced this. That was before I found iVillage and discovered that it happens to a lot of women.
Like you, I felt it was affecting my relationship in a negative way, that my husband would feel pressured to keep up with me. Initially, he was a little taken aback by my relevation, but was able to understand that my unquenchable libido was not the result of any lacking on his part and that I did not expect his sex drive to keep pace with mine. If anything, it strengthened our relationship because we learned to communicate better.
Even though I worked through the emotional part of it, there was still the physical aspect to manage. I was fortunate to be self-employed and working from home most of the time, so I would engage in solo play every day, often several times a day. I needed to get some relief, however short-lived. We also included masturbation more in our encounters as a couple. For me, I always have a deeper and more long-lasting sense of satisfaction when my husband participates, even when we don't engage in intercourse or other partnered activities.
My libido did eventually come down out of the stratosphere, and although it is still high, it is much more manageable than it had been. I don't know if any of this has helped, but I want you to know you're not alone. I wish you all the best.
• ~ • ~ • Em • ~ • ~ •
heretofore and hereafter known as a
Divine Rapscallion
• ~ • ~ •
They that are born on Halloween shall
see more than other folk. ~ Unknown
re: high female sex drive is a problemmessage #: 5899.4 in response to 5899.1
Hello, I can relate...my sex drive has spiked in the last year...I also read the article another poster added to her responce. WOW a disorder?. My SO also feels he isn't satisfting me, I just want more, I've never felt this "sexual" ever. I thought it was the sexual peak we reach in our mid-thirties. I guess only time will tell for me, I just let him know I enjoy sex, I do feel aroused most times during the day, doing dishes, vaccuming...during the entire day... now that I really think of it, I am always "ON", so far it isn't cauing too many problems, hang in there, talk with your SO, that is all I can say, YOU ARE NOT ALONE>
MESSAGES IN THIS DISCUSSION
Change the number of messages displayed on this page in
Indicate your interest in the discussion
Get updates to this discussion delivered by email
|
|
