Bereavement & Healing

I recently connected with a dear old friend who lost his son to a hit and run driver.   He writes and gets things out about his feelings and sometimes leaves me in tears wanting to fix it, save him, make it all better, but I know that I can't. 

I recently replied to one of his emails suggesting that he needs support through a group and I had entered his address and gave him the information for a Compassionate Friends Support Group in his area. 

After sending that email I wonder if it was the right thing for me to have done and maybe I should have just been compassionate myself and not told him what I think he should do.  I want to just listen like suggested but how else can I reply to his pain, confusion and questions about faith and life itself? 

Did I do the right thing by suggesting the support group?  Wonder if I should write and apologise for it.  I want so much to be there for him and help in anyway from a distance since we aren't in the same state.

Thank you.

Hi,

I bet you don't know that you have given him more support than you could realize.  You have been there to listen to him and you have cared enough about him to find help for him.  Sometimes people feel they are not doing enough but the reality is that just listening is worth more than you would believe.  We are not superhuman, we don't have all the answers to the questions and those groups, like the Compassionate Friends, can help.  Often it is not something the bereaved would even think about as our minds are so blurred by the tragedy we find ourselves thrown into.

Just remember to email your friend regularly, or call ,because we need to know we have not been forgotten but don't underestimate the help you have given your friend.

Thank you for your reply.  In the end, I did send that email and got a similar answer back as the one you posted, letting me know how much my emails mean.  My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Thank you for your good wishes.

I am very sure your friend will always remember and appreciate your kindness and support.

Promise

I do believe what you did by passing along the information about Compassionate Friends will be very helpful to your friend, checking in on him sometimes will give him a way to say " hey you know that group is really there for me" and will give you peace of mind that you did do the right thing.

 I to have lost a son.  Kevin was 22 when he drowned in a river on Father's Day of June 16,2002. He was my first born and only son. I still miss him so  much. My life changed that day and has never been the same again. I was here for 2 years, and have talked to many of the older group members that used to come here to air our pain and to find strength to go forward. I can say that it has taken many years of tears and lots of talking here and in group to be in a better place with my grief. I now can get through a day without feeling like I will fall to pieces. I still have my days where I cry and beg God to change his mind, but of course I know that won't happen.

 Best advice is to listen to whom ever has lost a child and be patient for their world has changed forever. They have no concept of time or how they are going to get through the day, let alone how they will face the future without there beloved child.