Bereavement & Healing

Happy Halloween! I hope everyone had a good day. Mine was so so. I am still having back pain and had to work. It was very slow today but I did finish reading a book. I am realizing I need to start taking better care of myself. My clothes are getting tighter on me which is very embarrassing for me as I've been the same size for years even with my bad habits. But, I am going to feed my spiritual self with this program and my higher power. I'm going to start exercising again and eating better. I need to take care of myself which is something I've been neglecting. When I was thinking of this today the slogan that came into my mind was "first things first." So first thing is first I have to take care of my well being. On Monday when I saw my counselor a lot came out in the open about my feelings. For a long time my codependency has ruled my life. I've felt like without certain things or people my life would fall apart. But, I'm trying to get stronger so I don't feel that way anymore. We also talked about me doing some inner child healing because of a lot of issue from when I was younger that really affect me today like my fears of abandonment and trying to be perfect so I can keep people around and wanting people to need me so they don't leave me. One day at a time. Thanks for letting me share. Take what you like and leave the rest.

I finished reading the book Resilience from Elizabeth Edwards today. I thought her story was so touching. I think it showed we all go through changed both good and bad in our lives and it's how we get through them that make us stronger people. I was sad and touched when she talked about her son's death. I have felt loss of my godfather and other relatives. I love how she said we all grieve in different ways and what works for me might not work for you or vica versa. She talked about her battle with breast cancer. I think it takes so much strength to battle an illness like that and then to find out you are going to die from it but still just trying to be strong and live your life to the fullest instead of giving up. Then when she talked about her husbands affair I felt her betrayal she felt and anger. I also felt her deep love and commitment to her husband. I could relate to that feeling.

We all grieve differently as we are all different.  Not one person is the same.  You grieve how you like & don't let anyone tell you how to grieve.  That's always been my philosophy & if someone tells me that I need to just get over it, well then you aren't very human are you?  I had a friend tell me that I shouldn't wear his necklace eight months later & I thought, who are you to tell me what to do?  You are not me & I grieve differently.  I lost a dear friend of mine this past July and I still wear his necklace because it makes me feel close to him.  And I will wear it for as long as I like whether others think I should or not.  I talked to his mother on Sunday and she misses him terribly.  He was her son & she had a dream about him one night but she cannot remember what it was about.  She told me she could see him clear as day & he looked wonderful & healthy; no longer sick.  She started to cry & then I started to cry. 

I think it's great you are putting yourself first because there is only one you.  I need to start taking better care of myself as well.  I started working out a few weeks ago & it does help get the stress  & hurt out.  Even though our loved ones have passed, they would want us to take care of ourselves.  I may try that book you just got done reading.  It sounds very interesting.  That is one thing I enjoy doing is reading & I started to pick that back up again.  I keep telling myself baby steps & I'm slowly but surely trying to pick up the pieces.

Co-CL for The Single Life

 

We could start a thread with all the stupid things people say.  It's better to laugh at the foibles than let them hurt you.  (Okay, I know they don't understand.  If you haven't been there, you can't possibly understand.)

This one gets the award for Most Insensitive: You need to just get over it

And the next time I hear this one, I may have to slap someone:  Kids bounce back.

I'm joking about the slapping, though I confess it might feel good to do it juuuust once.  :- )

~S&G

Hi,

I am so glad that you are beginning to do stuff just for you.  This is a big step forward and they always say that a journey begins with a single step!

Bereavement and healing is a slow journey and no two people travel exactly the same path as, for all of us, the story is different though the pain is as deep.  Do everything at your own pace and in your own way and you will heal in your own time.

I am just so happy to hear you sounding more positive about life!

Promise