Bereavement & Healing

What do we know, or think we know, about the way we respond when a loved one dies?

We pass with the dying through the Kübler-Ross stages — denial, anger and so forth. We realize that people who seem happy or even crack jokes after a terrible loss are faking it and that we will pay a psychological price for not dutifully attending to our own “grief work.” We seek therapy or grief counseling, and if we would rather not, we berate ourselves for living in a harmful state of denial.

Read more: http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/10/22/grief-maybe-not-so-bad-after-all/

Two of the comments after the article are worth pointing out:

I thought this one was beautiful:

What would really do some good is for everyone to assist a few people on their steps through death’s door. I’ve been fortunate enough to work in that world, and it’s taught me that death is a miracle at least as great as birth. While I sure miss a lot of now dead people, I also celebrate their lives and their ultimate triumph.

This one corrects the article:

To be fair to Kubler-Ross, she was careful to caution, as I recall, that one does not move “from one distinct predictable phase of grief to the next,” but that each person copes in his or her individual manner. The phases she postulated were guidelines only. In all acute cases one may expect to find her analysis useful.

Hi

I so agree that the stages of grieving have no set order and also that there are different types of grief.  I know this sounds weird but I have found that my grieving has followed different paths for different situations.

I always believe that is was a honor to have those who I have lost as part of my life, no matter for how short a time.  It was a privilege to have been part of their lives and remembering that has given me much comfort.