discussion title: donor sperm
Hi all,
i received my test results last tuesday...Beta less than 1. We were devasted as i was sure i was pregnant.
Had consult with doctors yesterday & they do not recommend another IVF attempt due to my husband's poor sperm quality....he has spinal cord injury & we've done 2 IVF/ICSI attempts with only 1 egg fertilizing out of a total of 35.
Doctor recommended donor sperm or adoption. We are already in process of adoption anyway but I can't let go of the desire to be pregnant & have child. My husband has been quite against donor sperm while I am for it. He actually wants to try IVF again while I think it is just throwing money down the drain. Its only been a day since we learned of our situation, but our home is full of discontent :-)
Anyone else out there dealing with a sinilar situation? any advice or resources offered would be incredibly helpful
Kelley
message #: 33316.2 in response to 33316.1
Kelley,
So sorry to hear about your beta--that is really devastating news for you both.
And since you asked about donor sperm, I thought I'd share my journey with you--I'll try to keep it short-ish, but I think you'll find it pretty similar to yours...
We had been trying for about a year when we finally went to the doctor for more testing. We almost immediately discovered that DH has azoospermia--absolutely 0 sperm count, even with a needle biopsy, there was nothing to retrieve. This was devastating news for both of us, but it hit him especially hard. We sat on that news for a good 6 months before we started to pursue adoption. At that point, he couldn't even discuss the idea of donor sperm, as it was too difficult for him to even think about his wife carrying a child produced by someone else's sperm, something he himself couldn't "provide." I understood and felt fine about proceeding with adoption.
As you probably already know, the adoption process is very long and drawn out, and very complicated. WE decided to use a local agency and pursue domestic adoption. We went through all the steps (jumped through all the hoops) and were waiting to have a birth mother choose us. Then 9/11/01 happened, and all of a sudden, there was virtually no new activity for the months following. It seemed that no one was choosing to give their babies up for adoption after that. Our social worker was stunned. So we opened ourselves up to all races, not just white like us, thinking this would speed things up. And it did, but we were given choices like a birth mother who had no prenatal care and admitted to doing drugs throughout her pg. Another was a birth mother who was raped and hadn't received any prenatal care. While I was ready to take any baby, my DH wasn't. He had grown up with an older brother who was mentally disabled and now lives in a group home. He saw the impact that having a child like that can have on a family. He wasn't willing to take that risk. So we kept waiting.
And waiting.
A year later, a wonderful birth mother chose us. She was young, but smart and hardworking and had a supportive family. She was sure adoption was the right decision for her. But we felt like she would be just fine to raise her child on her own, if she chose to. Well, we got the call that she was in labor--so excited! This was really going to happen. Then we got the call that the baby was born--great! Then we didn't hear anything. 3 days later our social worked called to say that she had decided to keep the baby, once she saw how supportive her parents were. Once again, we were devastated, although not terribly surprised.
But, after all these months of ups and downs and waiting and hoping, my DH discovered something about himself. He realized that here we were, ready to adopt a child that was carried by another woman, about whom we knew very little, and the prenatal care, etc, were questionable. If we used DS, we would be creating a child that we knew much more about, genetically. We also would be certain that the child would receive all the proper prenatal care, as I would be the one carrying him, not some complete stranger. And we also wouldn't have to deal with the birth mother relationship afterwards. Plus, we would get to experience the entire process personally, from conception to birth, which was something that we both really wanted.
This was lightbulb moment for him, really. And I know that we had to go through every step of the process to finally get him to the place where he could agree to DS. But we did get there. And we proceeded to select our DS and started a natural cycle immediately after. We got pg on the first try, and our son was born 9 months later. We bought the rest of the DS and stored it, and have used it for all of our pg's. So, we know that all of our children share the same genetic make-up.
I know that my DH still thinks about this often, and it is not a secret within our families. Right now, our oldest son is 5, so he still has no idea, but the day will come when we will tell him, as well as his siblings, and it won't be an easy conversation to have. But I am confident that it will be fine.
But we have no doubts that this was the right decision for us. And once I was pg, and especially once he was born, we've never looked back with any regrets whatsoever. If we hadn't taken that exact path, we wouldn't have ended up with these children, and at this point, that is completely unthinkable.
So, I've told you our whole LONG story. I hope it helps, in some way. I've written more about our DS process in other posts--search "donor sperm" if you want to read more. And please feel free to ask any questions you might have--I'll do the best I Can to answer them.
All the best to you and your DH as you navigate these difficult times. You will figure out what is best for you both, and that is what is most important.
message #: 33316.3 in response to 33316.1
Kelly -
Can't tell you how much I know about this situation. I COMPLETELY know how you feel, probably better to talk amongst email on this if you are comfortable with that option.
Tracey
message #: 33316.4 in response to 33316.1
Hi,
Sorry again about your negative.
We used ds with this past cycle, still waiting results. If you ask me, it sounds like its the way to go for you but your DH has to be on board.
It was suggested for us b/c of our h/x of miscarriage. Dh and I can get pregnant even with IUI and we think one time on our own. Everything else has been ruled out as reason so we were thinking maybe sperm. Dh's morphology is now low so there is a little more justification. Don't know the outcome yet, but when I do, I will share. We know its not my eggs, had m/c with donor eggs. My uterus is perfect and I have no other conditions that would cause miscarriages.
If you decide to go this route, let me know if you have any questions. Jess (34)
Happily Married for 7 years and Loving Mom to an amazing 4 year old little girl.
TTC #2
Mild PCOS, Mild endo, Secondary infertility/miscarriage. Tubal factor. Last and final guess: male factor causing miscarriages.
First 3 IUI's-BFN's
4th IUI-BFP (early m/c)
5th IUI-BFN
6th IUI-BFP (early m/c)
7th IUI-BFP (ectopic pregnancy and right tube removed at 8 weeks)
IVF #1 BFP (triplets- 2 were blighted ovums and the third lost at 7 weeks after heartbeat detected)
IVF #2-FET (early m/c)
IVF #3 DE cycle. M/C and D&C at 7 weeks. Nothing to freeze. Found out it was a girl and had chromosomal error. Nothing to do with me since not my eggs.
Possible natural conception. Beta of 6 then dropped.
IVF #4-back to my own eggs. M/C and D&C, of course. What else would happen? Genetically normal male. 4 frost babies left.
IVF #5 with ds. Retrieval on 10/25 11 eggs. 8 fertilized. Transfer on 10/30-put in 4 blasts!! 2 made it to freeze, making a total of 6 totsicles. In 2ww. First beta 11/9.
message #: 33316.5 in response to 33316.1
Hi Kelley, Ker is great isn't she. I'm glad she was able to share on the subject for you.
I hope things work out. I'm praying for you and your family.
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