Menopause & Perimenopause

I'm new to this board.

I'm 54 and I'm beginning to go thru menopause.  I'm angry all the time.  I'm married to a man who talks about me all the time and has been treating me like dirt.  It hasn't always been like that.  He was good to me and when I needed him he was there but that ws a lifetime ago.  No, I can't do anything right and if it is too bad wham, bam up side my head or whatever is closes to him.  I don't always take it I've left over 40 x in the take 36 yrs.  Now, he's got cancer and lots of other medical problems.  I know he's in pain all the time and he can never get comfortable because his body aches.   Sure, he has a right to be mad at me sometimes but he has no right to beat me up and when he does I leave him.  This puts him in a bad way because he has to eat and if I'm not there (no kids) he can't walk the stairs to the kitchen or leave the house without assistance.  I have no interest in sex at all.  Sex is a chore and I would rather not be bothered.  All I want to do is sleep and do something that makes me feel like a person.  Not enjoying him.  When I go home, I'm with him 24/7.  I hate it, I hate hearing him complain about everything and everyone.  Every woman is a b--ch or worse.  We are all users and we want to be dominated.   I must be crazy or dumb anything but not sane. 

Hi and welcome to the board!  In perimenopause/menopause it is not unusual for women to feel angry.  BUT and this is a BIG but.... in your case you have every right TO be angry with your husband.  It is too bad that he has cancer.  BUT he has not treated you right before the cancer so there is no reason to expect it now.  In fact depending on the cancer, treatment etc, it could get worse.  You do not deserve to be treated the way he is treating you.  You do not owe him sex in my opinion either.  (If possible while you are in the same home, I would sleep on another level since he can't deal with those stairs well!)

Do you work?  Do you have some place to go?  I can't tell you what to do.  I can tell you if it were me, I would be out of there.  Often we reap what we sow.  And he has sown some pretty bad stuff. 

Here is the link to the Domestic Abuse Board.....  http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhabuse

Caregiver's Support board....   http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhcaregivers

Cancer Friends and Family.....   http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhfamilyfrie

Depression Support....  http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhdepression

I am NOT sending you away.  Just offering you other boards that might be helpful for you too. 

Post anytime.  Someone is usually here!  And remember... you are NOT alone!!!!

For more info on menopause and perimenopause visit:
cl-klrambo's Menopause Oasis

Remember....you are NOT alone!!!!!

 

 

 

 

Hi funbuz. I am so sorry to meet you under these circumstances. Cheryl asked me to come over and talk to you. My ex husband was very abusive and will swear to anyone who will listen that he did it because he suffers from bi polar disorder ( I think it is more or a personalty disorder or he is a psychopath but what do I know? lol). I do not care what they suffer from it is no excuse to be abusive! Your husband was abusive before he had cancer so he can not even try and use that as an excuse. I do not care how much pain he is in that is no excuse to hit you!! I would start by calling adult protective services in your area for yourself and him. Adult protective services may be able to put services in the home to help him or place him some where that can help him. I do not care if he does not want to be put some where that can help him or does not want strangers to care for him he should have thought of that the first time he hit you!! For you adult protective services can help you to get away or you can also contact your local DV program and see what services are offered in your area. He is not your responsibly to take care of. He gave up that right when he started abusing you. I know when we marry we say to death do us part but once abuse enters the picture that goes out the window! Please feel free to even just lurk over on t he DV support board. Sometimes it helps knowing you are not alone and that someone out there understands. If you would rather talk in private feel free to email me though my profile.

No it is not you and yes you should be mad!!! 

********************** Proud Cl at: 
Domestic Abuse Support ************************
 

Hi cl,

Thank you for the referrals.  I will use them.  I have noticed that I get angry about nothing.  I thought it was hormones.  I'm usually in a good mood when I'm away from him and not under stress during the day but in the evening when I'm on my way home the stress is back and I could eat a brick.  I've never been one to hold onto my problems, maybe that's my problem, I should find a way to let go of them.    I know I can be too uptight and a stick in the mud.   I am grasping  for something that will relieve my mind.  I am not sure if other women have problems with sex or if it's just me. 

The hormones can be part of the anger, etc, BUT your husband has given you reason to feel angry.  And some women do lose interest in sex too at this time, but you your husband has not treated you in any way that would make you feel 'loving' to him let alone want that type of intamacy! 

You are battling two 'wars'.  A hormonal and a domestic one.  You don't deserve for him to speak to you that way, or hit you!  That will aggravate how you feel! The fact that you feel fine and not stressed when you are not home and away from him speaks tons!  No one should feel bad about going home or being at home!  Home is supposed to be your 'safe' place.  

Post anytime!  We are here 24/7. 

For more info on menopause and perimenopause visit:
cl-klrambo's Menopause Oasis

Remember....you are NOT alone!!!!!