Hi Benita-
I am truly sorry for your experience. It's perfectly understandable that you feel angry and afraid. It's a completely normal reaction.
The first thing I would tell you to do, the most basic piece of advice, is to take deep breaths whenever you feel yourself getting angry and scared. You don't need to change how you're feeling, or judge it, just recognize it and then take a breath. That breath will help your body get out of its "flight or fight" mode and you will be able to approach that particular moment from a more calm and centered place.
Secondly, try to see the situation as a gift. It's a chance for you to deal with some very powerful emotions -- anger and fear. There is a saying in the yoga world, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." In this instance, the robber was your teacher. I know that is a potentially controversial thing to say. I don't mean you should be happy that it happened. But it did. And so the best thing you can do is to use it to your advantage. What is behind the emotions that you're feeling? Anger generally is triggered by our deepest emotions -- fear of abandonment, self-dount, fear of loss. When you recognize that your anger is coming on, ask yourself, "What am I angry about?" Consider your anger to be like a breadcrumb on a trail. Where can it take you?
Several years ago, i had a tragic breakup. I got dumped on my ear for a 23-year-old named Chantelle. I was so furious at my ex. It felt like I'd never been so angry in my life. And to be honest, I hadn't. Anger had always scared me, so I stuffed it down. Then, after the break-up, it wouldn't stuff any more. I felt literally filled with rage and I didn't know what to do. I talked to a friend of mine who's parenting style I really admired (she always teaches her son about his emotions, what they mean and how to handle them). She gave me some great advice to help me exorcise the anger. Put on loud music and dance aggressively. Throw non-breakable things around the room. Scream in your car. Give the feeling expression to help it move on. Then I spoke to my meditation teacher, and he said, "Find out what's lying underneath the anger. What are you trying to hide from yourself?" That's when I got at some really core issues that I had never been able to see before. And I talked to another friend who is a lifelong Buddhist. He said, "I know you're in pain, but let it be a reminder that you are fully alive." That didn't make me feel much better at the time, but now I can see what he means. Sometimes we go through life on autopilot, numb to our lives, our selves, our surroundings. You are feeling acutely your human-ness. Nobody gets through life without loss. Be brave. Be curious. And be gentle with yourself because you are dealing with some big stuff.
I highly recommend "The Places that Scare You" or "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. She is a western woman who is a high-ranking Buddhist monk. What she has to say is so approachable. She really helped me alot.
It's no coincidence that you also are doing this challenge right now. You're learning that you have everything you need to deal with this situation and anything that life has to offer.
Please keep us posted and let us know how I or we can help.
Best,
Kate
