Miscarriage Support

My husband and I were going to start trying to get pregnant this month, but by a happy surprise we got pregnant a little sooner than expected. We were thrilled but had no idea when it happened because we were being (somewhat) careful. I'd had a normal period and some spotting a month after that. I started feeling very tired a lot and I actually dozed off at the wheel while sitting in traffic one morning (only for a second, nobody hurt. Scared the heck out of me though). I took a pregnancy test, not because I thought I was pregnant, but to eliminate it as a possibility when I followed up with my doctor about the fatigue. Boy was I surprised when the test came up positive almost immediately!

I spent the next few weeks doing the right things. Reveling in the fact that I was carrying a baby. Getting blood work, trying to be careful. I have a septated uterus so I was a little worried about whether the embryo was implanted in a safe spot or not. But my HCG levels looked good according to one of the docs in my OB/GYN group so I stopped worrying as much.

On Wednesday we had our first ultrasound. We were so excited to find out how far along we were and to finally see this tiny little speck of a miracle. My OB and a nurse brought in a portable ultrasound and tried to take a look. Their faces spoke volumes. Something wasn't right. He said the sac looked irregular and he couldn't see visible signs of a heartbeat but that he had to confirm so they sent me to the onsite ultrasound tech who took pictures and looked at every angle for what seems like an eternity.

He was the one to get to break the bad news to us. The amniotic sac showed 10 weeks of growth, the fetal tissue only 6. There was no heartbeat. We'd lost the baby. We were given a choice. Get a D&C or wait for the miscarriage. We opted for the D&C. Waiting for the miscarriage would have been too painful. Or more painful. I still can't wrap my brain around any of this. They said it was one of those things. Something was very wrong with the baby so it stopped developing. But how could the HCG levels not show it? Why would I still have the symptoms if the baby was dead? Why me?

I am already so SICK of hearing "Let me know if there is anything I can do." You can't bring back my baby. You can't make this all be a horrible nightmare from which I can wake up. "You can try again." Yes, yes I can. But that doesn't make this RIGHT. It doesn't make me feel better that I might get lucky next time and actually have the baby I want so badly. It isn't fair. And I know i am not alone. So why does it feel like I am?

I'm very sorry to hear what you're going through.I also had what they call a "missed miscarriage" two months ago (and an earlier miscarriage a few months before that), so I know what you're going through. It's such a shock. Because the placenta is what releases the HCG hormones, these hormones sometimes still get released after the baby has died, and so our bodies don't know what has happened. My HCG levels looked great too, and I didn't realize this could happen.

Its a terrible, terrible thing to go through, but you do make it through. Two months later, I'm starting to feel normal again, and looking forward to trying again. It really does get better-- but we do have to go through the grief. Take good care of yourself,
lisa

I am so very sorry for your loss.  I had a missed mc at twelve weeks and had all the pregnancy symptoms.  If it weren't for the ultrasound I would not have known there was anything wrong.  It is such a heartbreaking experience and shock to go through.  It was one of the most lonely things I went through.  I had people tell me "you can try again"  or "Atleast it was early"  I was so hurt and angry when people said things like that.  I don't think they really understand what it is like.  I did have a few people tell me they went through the same thing and that helped.  This board helped a lot.  You lost a baby.  It isn't a small thing.   It is so hard going through a m/c with your first baby.  I worried constantly if I would ever get to have a healthy baby.  I have a nine month old now so it can happen.  I know exactly what you are going through.  You have an angel watching over you now.  It is so hard losing a baby.  Please email me through my profile if you need anyone to talk to.  Many many hugs to you. 

Jennifer

Wife to Chris, mommy to Robert

 

I am so sorry for your loss and all you are going through. You are definitely not alone, and your first step to realizing that was coming here to talk to other women who are going through what you are going through. Or in my case, have been through what you are going through. One of the biggest things that helped me was knowing I wasn't alone even though I felt that way. Talking to others who were familiar with the emotions I was feeling was so helpful. I wish none of us had to be here but I'm glad we can all be here to help each other.

I really hate the "you can try again" response. In my case, I couldn't try again which was also really difficult. But I just see how that statement hurts so many of my girls on this board. Trying again does not bring back your baby. It saddens me that other people can't realize that before they open their mouth.

I hope you know we are all here for you whenever you need us. Feel free to email me through my profile if you'd like to talk. I'll be thinking of you!

Love and hugs,