Multiple Sclerosis

1.What are some appropriate and helpful gifts? Your time. Time to help them with things that might not be getting done around the house especially. When we were in the middle of the diagnosis we were spending hours a day and several days a week at hospitals. A home cooked meal and my floor vacuumed were like manna from heaven.

2.What words do you like to hear from friends and loved ones regarding your condition? Unless we bring it up just leave it alone. We probably don't want to talk about it 24/7. We want to know that if we need anything you're there for us.

3.What can friends and loved ones do for you to help provide support? Treat us the same. We're not contagious, we're not dying. We might need more time to do things we did before and sometimes we're just too tired but we're trying to be normal.

4.Finally - what should people NOT give, say or do? Any hot buttons? Inappropriate gifts, words, actions? Please don't make fun of us. Don't tease us because we can't remember simple things, or because we trip or stumble. Many people make jokes because they are uncomfortable but it just hurts people's feelings to be made fun of.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like it's weird to give someone a gift because they have MS. I wouldn't want any special gift. I would like to feel that I have people in my life who will be there for me during hard times, as I would be for them. It's no different when the hard times have to do with MS as opposed to a tornado as opposed to a death in the family, etc. The "Golden Rule" applies in all situations.

Specifically with regard to people with MS, I have one main "Do" and one main "Don't" that are really two sides of the same coin...

What people SHOULD NOT do is try to downplay the MS by saying things like "But you look so good" or "At least it's not life-threatening" or anything like that. I think those kinds of things are the most hurtful things to hear.

The corollary is that people SHOULD show some compassion and empathy for whatever it is we are going through with the MS. It hurts my feelings when supposedly close friends never ask me how I am. A genuine "How have you been feeling?" (and making it clear that you actually want to hear a response) every once in a while would be really nice.

The worst is a combo of the two things above: never asking how I am, and then wrongly assuming that "at least the MS doesn't really have a big impact on your life" -- which I have actually been told. Well pal, actually it does have a huge impact on my life, and you'd probably know that if you ever stopped talking about yourself for two seconds and asked me how I am. This nice little combination is just adding insult to injury.

Very good points!  Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.  :)