Living with Cancer

Hello There.
In may I found out that I had breast Cancer.....
I found a lump in my right breast at Easter, so I went to the doctors and he said to wait for 2 weeks to see if anything happens...it grow within that time so he sent me to the hospital.
All the doctors I spoke to said they didn't think it was cancerous, I had a mammogram I had a core biopsy....when I went back a few days later I was thinking this isn't anything to worry about everyone says so....just a cyst the doctors kept telling me when I came for my mammogram.....but it was a totally shock to find out that I had cancer!
My life has been one big haze every since.....I came in on the 16th may to have a Wide Local Excision. I was very sore after the operation but I was allowed to go home on the same day.
My head still couldn't take in what was happening....I'm still finding it hard to deal with now months on.....
At the end of May I had to go and see the Consultant for a check up...and was told that they managed to get the cancer when they operated...he was in and out in a flash...i never got time to ask any questions like....does this mean I'm cured? why does my breast have shooting pains in it? and I lots to asked but no one to ask.
I have to have radiotherapy for four weeks and I've been put on Tamoxifen for five years.
I have a lot of bad days at the moment....where I feel totally out of it...by that I mean, I don't know what's been happening to me lately.....one minute I had breast cancer and the next I don't????
I feel very tired all the time,I have no idea how the radiotherapy is going to effect me, I read on the Internet that you can get very sore with it and tired as well....
my families hasn't really talked about it, both my son and husband as shut it out and have gone on like it never happened...am I just moaning about nothing, I feel very alone sometimes although I have lots of friends, I guess what I'm really say is I don't understand what has just happened to me!!..I want to talk about my feeling and I can't.
well thanks for letting me talk here...your nettyx

Hi Netty

first let me say how sorry I am that you have received this diagnosis.   It is so difficult to be told you have Cancer.    I don't have Cancer but I went through a horrible couple of years worrying about a Mass in my Adrenal Gland.   I visited a Cancer Hospital several times a year for it and finally had the gland removed to find out it was not cancer.  Thank goodness.

I do know the feelings you are talking about........  It is like at least for my family, if you don't talk about it ....it isn't happening.    The first couple of days they all  pacified me and then after that it was life as normal.  

I truly wanted to scream at them as my dd would say here's the kids to take care of........Don't you remember I am going through a tough time now?   Gosh it was like perhaps I was an inconvenience to them.   I know that isn't really the way they thought.   They just couldn't talk about it.  They feared the worst and thought they had to treat me like all was normal.     Especially my dd as she saw my Mom pass from Cancer on the brain. 

I am sure your family truly is worried but just doesn't know how to show it.   I spent many nights in the spare room crying into the pillow not to wake my dh.   Some nights he would hear me and come hold me to calm me down.   So Netty, we do know on this board what you are going through.   Talk to dh let him know how worried you are. 

I am hoping that your doctors did a great job and after the 5 years on meds all will be fine.   My MIL had breast cancer and took Tamoxifen.   I can't remember if she had radiation therapy or chemo.      I do know she has now passed her 5 yr mark and is doing great.   I am hoping you will be able to say the same.

Have you visited the Breast Cancer Board:    http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhbreast/start

The ladies there may be able to answer more of your questions.

Sending you positive thoughts and please any time you want to come here and STOMP your feet or cry or get a hug.....stop in.   That's why I am here.

Hugs

Philly

Living with Cancer: Will You Please Share Your Story!!!

             

Hi, Netty, so sorry about your diagnosis and even sorrier about the way you are being treated. It is shocking to learn you have cancer. We are so convinced that it means the end. But, more and more people are surviving cancer with earlier diagnosis and better treatments. You deserve to have someone connected to your treatment sit down and take time to answer all you questions. No one should be hustled in and out.

Yes, radiation treatments generally make you very tired. But, I worked full time through my treatments. Everyone reacts differently to the radiation, so it is hard to generalize what will happen in your case. Some women have trouble with their skin where the radiation is done, and others do not. The facility where you have the radiation treatments should provide you with skin care products if you need them. Pure aloe vera and/or hydrocortison cream are really good. Your current fatigue could be related to the emotional stress you have been trough. It is a way our bodies tell us that we need to take care of ourselves. So, try to get some extra rest. I think men have a hard time dealing with wives and moms who are sick. They like to be fixers, and cancer is something they cannot "fix." Also, it is hard to see someone they care about ill and worried. Like Philly said, they just shut it all out. Come visit us on the Breast Cancer Support Board. You will find kindred souls who understand what you are going through and can comfort you. Hugs, Lauri (11 and 3, in loving memory of Connie Pawling)