I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time right now. Boy do I know that spiral. Eating to feel better, then feeling bad because I ate, then eating more to feel better, then feeling worse - over and over and over. It used to make me feel so trapped, as if I couldn't go on for one more minute.
In my opinion though you've made the first step and I say good for you. You already know it's an addiction. It took me years of self-abuse to get that far, to understand that I was addicted to sugar. What is so difficult about this addiction is that our drug of choice is absolutely everywhere, and available 24/7. And that by many, it isn't recognized as an addiction. People who haven't experienced this first-hand just think we are weak.
Why are you doing what you are doing even though you don't want to? Because sugar sets off a very powerful mechanism in your body that is very difficult to stop. Too much sugar in the blood-stream makes your body secrete too much insulin, which stores the excess calories as fat. Too much insulin also makes you hungry all the time, making it very difficult to resist eating. The insulin is telling your body : 'You are out of energy - go eat something sweet fast! And by the way let's lower that energy level, because there is nothing left!' It's a very vicious circle. After a while with too much insulin in the system, you get hyperinsulinemia and insulin resistance which only makes the problem worse - among other thing it causes depression, and what do depressed sugar-holics do? We eat ;-). There is a great article on Wikipedia here : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insulin_resistance
I've found A LOT of help on this website. The ladies here have all been there and done that. No-one will ever judge you. This website, especially the journal section is the one thing that has gotten me through the past couple of weeks, when I chose to almost stop eating carbs entirely. It's been a rocky ride so far, but I'm feeling so much better physically, with lots more energy, and lots less anxiety.
Hang in there. You are not a low person, you are a unique human being who deserve to feel better.
{Hugs}
