Anxiety, Panic & Phobias

i don't know whats going on with me...or what brought this anxiety back on...i just feel like curling up in bed and crying all day...

i'm TERRIFIED of becoming nonfucntional...and i think my own terror is whats bring this on...

i'm gonna try to force myself to go to work...but i'm not so sure i can work like this....

we will lose our house if i can't work...i CAN"T be like this...but i don't know how to stop it...

i have xanax prn...which i took i hour ago...it ALWAYS helps...but it doesn't seem to be helping now...

i don't quite feel like i'm having a panic attack...i just feel "wrong"...anxious and depressed out of the blue...it literally came out of NO WHERE...and every day (for the past 4 days) it seems to have gotten worse...

oh God please help me....

i'm sooo scare...of being scared....

sadly,

heather

Heather,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time right now.  If it makes you feel any better, I was in your shoes in August and although I'm still having some daily anxiety and occasional panic attacks (mostly when I shop or exercise outside). I am much better than I was 2 months ago.

My anxiety too came back after 2 years of being fine.  First of all, don't beat yourself up.  Its ok to feel anxious, especially after we experience very emotional times.  Everyone feels anxious at times, it is an emotion.   For some reason we perceive anxiety as very bad and scary and try to avoid it at all costs.  When something does trigger it for us, we remember the time when anxiety was at its worst.  My situation is similiar to yours in that I have to work.  So I tell myself, you have to get to work.  I just started a new job on Sept 1st and basically was shaking the 1st month and somedays the second month.  I sometimes sit in the parking lot and don't know if I can get out of the car, but I do. I tell myself, let me just get through the 1st hour, then the second, etc.  At times I would close my office door for 15 minutes and eat lunch in the car so I can give myself a pep talk to get through the rest of the day.  I tell myself, you have to just get through the day and can then fall apart at home if I hve  to.

Try relaxation and belly breathing. Picture yourself at work, doing your job, walking through the hallways without feeling anxiety.  I'm a nurse and like you I need someone to tell me that I am not crazy, just anxious.  If you have a therapist, now may be a good time to make an appoinment.  If you have a psychiatrist, it may be a good time to talk to him/her as well.  Being able to indentify what you are going through, is the first step to getting better.

Personally, I am going the benzo route this time around, taking a very low dose of xanax a couple of times a day, has really helped me be able to get some control over my anxiety.  Between that, therapy, pep talks in the morning and throughout the day, has made me functional again.  I'm certainly not 100% better yet, but compared to where I was in August, I'm happy with my progress and know I headed in the right direction.

Good Luck and keep us posted with how you are feeling.  I know coming to this board and the advice I get here is soooo very helpful..

Lori

Sorry if TMI, but where are you on your cycle? Your description to me sounds a lot like my progesterone trigged anxiety. If you're anywhere in the last 2 weeks, you may be able to look at a calendar to know when this will start to wear off.

I figured this out years after my anxiety dx. It was after my miscarriage and I was learning about progesterone. I then remembered the first time I went in the doc asked if I was on my AF b/c there was blood in my urine. I had started in the waiting room. Then I remembered every time I had ended up in the emergi-care I would always check to see if I had started yet so I could warn the doc first. Hmmmm .... every time? There is a pattern here! LOL, so that was why if I held off on the Xanax until I could no longer function, then take for 2-3 days I would be good for two weeks. It wasn't that meds work that well for me, as I originally thought, the progesterone was gone, that is why.

As for work, I think taking a couple of days off to recoup is good. But I think after so many days a lot of companies will want a doctor's note. If you're hiding you're going to make your anxiety worse. You can go to work with the knowledge you're going with anxiety. It's a part of you right now. Just like a zit, a birthmark or something. Sometimes it's right there in the open & you cannot hide it - so accept it as a part of you.

You're at a crux at this moment. You can show the anxiety that even though its there in full force it does not have control over you. HOPEFULLY, you'll be busy getting caught up from the days missed you'll actually have some reprieve.

ANOTHER TRICK:

Focus on the present. We have the past (memory) and the future (thoughts), but it is in this very moment where life is lived. Focus on your breath, the sky, the trees, the smell, the feel of the air, smoking rising from chimneys in this new autumn air, the birds flying south, the dew on the grass. Whenever you feel yourself traveling to the past or future take a moment to count your breaths. Never count over 10, if you reach 10, start at one again. If you go beyond 10 you know you're not focused on your breath. When you feel you have yourself focused on the moment you can stop counting. If the anxiety comes in, notice the physical symptoms of it -- but only that. Not the memory or thoughts that try to come with it.

If it's not cycle related, keep working with your docs. According to a NAMI class I took, our bodies adapt to mood medications & therefore after time will need to be tweaked.

Peace

(((Heather))) I just went through the same thing :(  I missed a whole week,  became agoraphobic out of nowhere, it was awful.  i went back on my meds and was doing okay in a few days.  I know where you are coming from ... we have been there so it is soooo hard  not to imagine the worse.  Funny thing is ... I had the flu and in reality, I think I was so sick from the flu and stayed home in bed and spun it out of control in my head to thinking it was anxiety, etc.... If i didn't think about it so much, I am sure I would have been fine ;)

Hugs,