Anxiety, Panic & Phobias

I have been having really bad anxiety since July.  I'm working with a therapist and pdoc and have been doing better overall.  I have even had some VERY GOOD days over the past few weeks.  I'm doing well at work, i'm ok with resturants and am starting to have a feeling that I will get back to "normal" in time.

I do still get bad anxiety symptoms when I go places like shopping malls, walmart, grocery shopping, church, etc.  I get dizzy, my legs feel weak, heart beats fast, and I feel I have to get out of there.  I have been trying to identify my feelings/thoughts when this happens to try to work it out in therapy.  But the only thoughts I am having when this happens is how uncomfortable I feel and I just want to get out of there.  I tried to go the mall by myself and I did good until i was about half way through, then I got symptoms and actually stood there and had to decide to keep going in, or turn around and go to the car.  I decided to go to the car and try again another day.  This is truly exhausting, but I'll keep trying. 

I'm not embarrassed that I may have a panic attack...I think my fear is of these uncomfortable feelings and maybe that something bad is going to happen to me. I am having trouble identifing it.

Does anyone have any insight as to why certain places cause us to have panic attcks?  Many have written about walmart, church, and grocery shopping....

When my anxiety was bad a few years ago, I couldn't go to the mall without having a panic attack, then a few months later, I could.

I call it crowdaphobia... or claustrophobic only in crowds. There was one particular Old Navy, I would seriously become ill in. Not sure if it was the odors, the lighting, who knows, but it took about 3 times going before I realized it was the place that made me sick & I never went in again. Had a hard time going to any Old Navy, but finally did & realized it was that one particular location.

Oooh and getting my hair cut. I just got one this morning. First one since last November. Yes, I avoid, I know I shouldn't, but I do. Thought I was going to pass out for sure (which, by the way, I did once my senior year of high school).

I don't think it's necessarily THOUGHTS that gets you into trouble. Things are triggered in some of the most strange ways. I have progesterone related anxiety. i.e. sometimes my brain reacts bad to the release of progesterone. Not sure why. But this can cause a panic attack out of no where for no reason at all. Now, because these panic attacks could happen for no apparent reason, my brain will try to associate my surroundings when I have this attack. So when I get into a similar situation my brain smells something, sees something, hears a sound, and it triggers the memory of an attack I had for no reason 6 months ago & thus creating a constant problem.

I personally do not believe we need to 'think' out way out of anxiety. But rather just learn how to deal with life when anxiety comes up in a more satisfying way. As we learn these strategies the anxiety becomes easier to deal & have less control over our lives.

I think going into the mall & being determined to go back in is definitely the way to go. *Maybe* next time when you feel the need to run, start a stop watch & give yourself 1-5 minutes before you run. Just stand in a place you're not stopping traffic & watch the time & push yourself a little bit further. I've done this before & by giving myself those few minutes to do nothing but realize I get to leave in a couple of minutes was enough to push myself to stay even longer.

I wish you peace.

I think my wondering why is sort of a way for me to control/prevent anxiety.  When what I am slowly learning what I need to do is live with it.  I'm going on a trip tomorrow for a few days with my mom.  That is a huge step for me, I was unable to do it in the begining of the month. I really want to go, as traveling is something that I LOVE to do when I am feeling well.   I figure what's the difference if I have anxiety here or in Tunica, MS.  If I get too anxious in the casino or wherever, I can try to push through or go back to the hotel room or sit on a bench and belly breathe til i feel better and try again.  That weak legs feeling really throws me for a loop.  Even though I "know" its anxiety, it scares me eveytime. 

There is a spa, so i plan on getting a massage which helps to relax me.  The part of the trip that is making me anxious, is my mom wants to go to graceland for a tour.  I am willing to try it.  I am even practicing visualizing myself there without any anxiety enjoying walking around with other people.  It should be interesting to stay in the moment there as we are going on Halloween, my guess is that people will be dressed as Elvis, lol. 

Timing is sometimes helpful for me to go though my daily routine.  I tell myself, I have to go to walgreens, then grocery store, then whereever....then i can go home, just get through those things.  I guess I can do that on my trip too, if i need to....One more hour at graceland that i can go back to the hotel, etc.

ALso, I think that i sometimes make myself anxious.  For example I was feeling good this morning and ran into the store just to get a couple of things.  While there, I said to myself, cool, I think I feel ok in here.  Then I started to get anxiety.  I think I need to stop "checking" on myself so much and just be.  If I have anxiety I'll know it.  I feel like by looking for it today, i caused it.  Note to self:  don't look for anxiety cause you may find it....it's ok to feel anxiety, learn to live life with the anxiety instead of fighting it!!!

It is the action of trying to prevent/control anxiety which makes it worse. Blah! Oh, and my guess, even if it were not Halloween there would be people dressed up like Elvis :-) I know I will get excited to see I'm doing great only to trick myself into an attack by even congratulating myself.

In a podcast on meditation I've been listening to the speaker will often bring up how when somebody finally gets to that point where they can release all thoughts, but as soon as they reach that point they get excited, which of course brings in thought. Just the thought of 'I did it' ends the moment.

It's like hiccups. They will be with you and you are so tired of them, they start to hurt, etc. Then all of sudden you realize they're gone & your brain sits there searching for the next hiccup, not convinced they're really gone.

I think it's natural to notice changes in our bodies & hard to stop noticing.

I don't think it's 'bad' to congratulate yourself. It may end the moment, but you still need the recognition. It helps you see you are succeeding. It lets you step back and think about what you were doing 'right' on this particular trip. It lets you see you can do this particular thing and not have anxiety.

So scratch that note to self :-)

Peace