Anxiety, Panic & Phobias

Hello All,

I am a 38 year old woman with three children. I was recently remarried (2nd marriage) my new husband after dating for five years and making sure that he and my three children (from my previous marriage) were a good fit!

My question is that when my husband tells me that he is going to be going out of town I get this gut wrenching sick feeling in my stomach and at the same time this nervous feeling. From that moment of being told, I would get defensive and come up with statemtents to him like "you can't go then, or what about this or how am I suppose to handle this when you are gone.. etc.. " We end up fighting and or arguing and this has been a sore spot in our relationship... mainly the only one we have. It makes me feel needy and I never use to be like this.

After dealing with being told that he will be leaving, I then spend the rest of the time up till then either being in denial so that if I don't think about it or we dont talk about it, it's like I can function normally cause I am not dealing with it. But as soon as we approach the date of his leaving.... I get terrible panic and anxiety... to the point where I feel sick int he stomach.. when he is gone I constantly worry, and almost wish that he wouldn't call me because it just reminds me that he is gone... and yet on the other hand I constantly watch my phone to see if I missed a call from him..

I feel like I am crazy... I am successful in work, I have raised three children 19, 18, and 14 pretty much by myself. I dont' understand when I was married before I never worried with my ex-husband would leave or go hunting or out of town... I almost enjoyed it. I can't for the life of me understand why this happens.

I wondered if maybe I am jealous of him leaving since I can't leave or go out of town... but even if I was jealous.. I dont' think that the sweaty hands, and sick stomach feeling, and nervousness, and unable to sleep, and the worry about something happening to him or to me while he is gone is normal. One other thing is that I don't experience this anxiety feeilng any other times.. except I do get it but not as bad when my kids are late coming in and don't call me to tell me and I worry that something happened to them....

Anyways...I found this site and thought maybe there is someone out there who has experienced something similar and could give me some tips on how to handle these horrific worried feelings when they occur.

Thank you in advance for any insight you can provide.

Regards

Hello Jan,

Thank you for your reply and kind words. I guess I find it frustrating that after all these years, I am all of a sudden experiencing this terrible anxiety. I am excited to have found this site and hopefully when I get this horrible, dreadful panic and worry feeling it is nice to know that I am not alone.

My husband struggles with me when the anxiety takes over and so I will defnitely check out the tips and tricks folder and hope to find some healthy coping methods. I am very hesitant to go on anti-depressants but talking to someone may help me understand how to handle this feeling of being afraid to be alone and worried that something will happen to him while he is gone.

I have read some great posts from others here and am relieved to know that I am not alone with my anxiety and panic feelings.

Take care and my best!

Ker

Good Evening Jan,

I dont' believe that i am nearing menopause but that could be a possibility. I am 38 but I have heard of people beginning mnenopause as early as 35 years of age.

Thank you for sharing your past, I did loose my mother in a severe casualty in 5/2004 and a month later my divorce was finalized... I was forced to find another job because the department that I was working in was closing and my oldest at the time had gotten herself in some legal trouble.. Yeah.. I handled all of that and maybe it is because now.. things are good and I have a healthy relationship and maybe it is the fear of loosing that.. when my husband leaves i worry and stress and even get to the point where I don't want to get out of bed..

i will definitely look into the other options you mentioned in your reply. I know I have allowed myself to depend on my husband and after the death of my mother and divorce I really didnt depend on anyone for almost 5 years.. I guess self-preserving is what they call that?? Not sure... I think you are right.. the first step is to talk to someone who can help me understand why this happens to me..

Thanks for your suggestions and thanks for listening and understanding...

Regards,

Ker