Self-Esteem Support

Hi there...I just wanted to post back to you and tell you I've been exactly where you are, and for a long time, I was in and out of the psych ward, on and off meds, it was crazy bad. 

One day, I woke up and realized that I was so sick and tired of being miserable.  So, I slowly started forcing myself to make some changes.  I started walking with a friend from work.  I had gained over 70 pounds during my years of turmoil and meds.  It was not easy...i literally had to force myself to stop being a hermit and to get out and be more social.  I, too, have spent many many months, on my couch. 

It was very touch and go at first, but i somehow kept going.  After I started walking, my energy level increased a lot more than I thought it would.  I then started eating better, again, slowly...As I started to feel more energetic, and started losing a few pounds, and making friends again, I started feeling so much better, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

I still have MANY days that I have to let msyelf sit on the couch and do nothing.  But I accept that fact, and I don't beat myself up for it, until it gets to be routine.  Then I know I have to do something to step out of my comfort zone again.

Routine keeps my moods level...(I'm Bipolar).  I use a lot of lists.  Some days, they are very simple.  Get up.  Shower.  Put on clothes that fit and aren't baggy.  Put on makeup.  Go to work. 

I also try to realize every day that things could be worse...heck, they HAVE been worse. 

It isn't easy, and I don't want to tell you that it was.  But, if i can do this, ANYONE can do it.

Hang in there.  Make ONE goal for today and stick to it...my goals (like my lists) are very simple when I need them to be. 

I've also learned that a husband (i'm separated...again), does NOT define who I am.  In fact, I learned that I let myself go in the process and lost sight of who I was.

You'll get there, if you put in the work.  I promise.

Hugs,

Keli

When reading your profile, I thought of this site that you might be interested in checking out.

http://www.bringchange2mind.org/

Welcome to the self-esteem board, it is nice to meet you.  Some great advice!

I agree with much of the advice offered. 

You may be suffering from some situational depression.  If there is an option for some counseling, you might think about using the help while you transition through the current circumstances.  Meds are a possible option, if only temporary.  I'm not a big supporter of meds, however, if there is a chemical imbalance, such as with bi-polar, then you might find them helpful, at least for a while.

Sales quotas are stressful and perhaps that is not a stressor that you find helpful.  I know that you said that it's hard to find a job, when you are working.  True.  However, it seems that it is easier to get a job, when you have one.  The future employers seem to see the situation "flipped".

I would like to see you start focusing on some of your strengths, instead of everything you don't have.  No matter what our state of mind is; if we only focus on what we don't have, we would all end up depressed.  Perhaps you could start re-framing some of the past experiences that are worrying you.  In other words, "flip it" and look at the positive/strengths side of the experience.  An example might be:  You have decorated your front porch with Halloween designs.  You trip over the extension cord and scrape your knee.  It really hurts.  It made you mad that you triped, so you yank the cord, throwing it over to the side out of the way.  What's good about this???  If a neighbor had come to your door and fell, they could have taken you to court, sued you and taken what little money you do have left.!! So, it's a good thing that you triped first..... LOL...I know this sounds somewhat ridiculous; but it really works!  Just try it a couple of times.  You'll see.

By the way....it's nice to meet you and welcome.  Hope to read more from you.  Let me know if you try the technique of re-framing.

welcome to the board. it does sound like you have had a rough year so i understand why you feel the way you do (that life will always be negative). but things seem to go in cycles and you will be on your way back up before you know it. i like keli's suggestion about establishing a routine, no matter how simple - when i am feeling blue, i need to have something to keep me going, some sort of external motivation, so having a day-to-day agenda really helps. (so does taking lots of walks.) just try and take it one day at a time right now until you are feeling better.

i also like n2ishn's advice about reframing your thinking - see if you can turn your thoughts positive by looking for the silver lining in the cloud. your ex: aren't you glad you broke up when you did, so now you have more time to find someone who's right for you? your job: it's not great, but it's not your first job and won't be your last one. it's just one job closer to your ideal career. work on your resume while you're there and maybe take a class or two that will help you in your career down the road. i also agree that it's easier to find a job while you're still employed (don't know why, but it's worked for me so far). see what i mean? i think there is a positive and a negative way to look at everything; maybe try looking at the bright side for a while and see if it helps you.

one other suggestion i have: try gratitude. start by making a list of what you are grateful for (your health, your family, etc.). then add the things that have given you trouble lately (breaking up w/your BF, work, etc.) and see if you can find something about them to be thankful for (example: like i said above, your breakup has given you another chance to find someone right for you). this is a difficult exercise for me when i'm feeling unhappy because i feel that the world is against me, so i have to flip it around and see what i can learn from it. i don't believe that things are inherently good or bad; it's just your thinking habits that get you stuck in a rut, so maybe by trying a new way of thinking you will be able to help yourself feel better. what do you think?