Self-Esteem Support

hey, jello-b, welcome to the board. i personally don't think there's anything wrong with holding back, especially in this day and age where most people are eager to share their innermost thoughts at the drop of a hat. however, if being reserved bothers you, then maybe it is time to make a change. the dictionary definition of "vulnerable" is "open to attack or criticism", so being vulnerable means that you share some part of yourself at the risk of being made fun of.  the benefit of vulnerability is that you can grow closer to someone else; when you share, they share, and that's what creates intimacy. the downside is that they could make fun of you, and obviously that prevents intimacy. if you want to practice being vulnerable, start with a small risk; share your opinions about politics or sports or something that's not very close to your heart. see how others react, and how you feel about their reactions (attacked? defensive? neutral?) eventually you work your way up to the big stuff but that doesn't have to happen right away, and certainly not with everyone you meet.

were you picked on as a kid? sometimes that can make you want to hold yourself back.

i know what you mean about showing your uglier side in volleyball - i do it all the time!

Hi there, jello!

I was in the middle of writing my own post and I decided to respond to you first. So much
of your "issue" echos my own struggle with self-esteem. So please, know that you are NOT alone in this. I am, too, in my late 20s and for what it's worth, have been told my whole life that I am beautiful. I actually think that I am very attractive as well but guess what- I think I also have the lowest self-esteem from everyone I know! I kid you not.
The thing I can relate to with your story is that very few people know that I am so insecure because I am also very good at "faking it". For me, unfortunately, it translates to me being perceived as "aloof" or standoffish because I just lack that enthusiasm and honesty that truly secure people posses. For example, even if I am happy to see someone I act semi distant because I am not sure if they're happy to see me. I am constantly wondering if I am being accepted by others and what they think of me. Does this sound familiar? It's almost as, I reject others before they can reject me. Kind of sad, isn't it?

Well, I can tell you this much: I started to see a therapist about this and it seems to help so far. He's breaking it all down for me, why I developed such huge social anxiety, what happened in my childhood to make me feel so insecure, how my upbringing contributed to this, etc. I'll be happy to share with everyone my progress.

Last week my therapist told me that I should remember that people don't think about me half as often as I think they do. Meaning, most don't really occupy their precious time thinking about ol'lil me because they have their own bust lives to live. Makes sense? I know this may sound a bit trivialized and primitive almost but statements like that seem to help me. Maybe sometimes we all need to hear the obvious facts of life because we forget them.

Some one told me that to be vulnerable is to show your personality.  To that end, a healthy attitude toward criticisms and ridicules certainly is essential.  I don't know if that's the case with Aubrey.  For me, my harshest critic seems to be myself.  While some people can do all sorts of silly crazy things when there is no one watching or when they are lost in a crowd, I can't.  For example, I still feel very uncomfortable to be dancing in my own room.  Or, at another time, I somehow let out a few dirty words to a girl.  She thought it was funny, but I got red and became so uncomfortable.  I'm the one, it seems, who cannot handle my own vivacity.

Thanks for the replies!