message #: 9784.2 in response to 9784.1
That is a very stressful situation. I can understand the need to get away. Do you need to go to hospital? Then you should go. If you need to get away otherwise, is there somewhere else you can go? I am not suggesting running away from your problems, because they will be there when you get back, but a break can still be a good thing. If you can't get away, what can you do to make your time at home after work a sanctuary? Are there natural areas near by you can go walk through? Do you like or would you try meditation or yoga? There are often community centres that offer those things, or you can find them online. I will help you find online if you like. Doing something to destress every day is important. Something physical like exercise, or emotional like crying, screaming, or journal or take a bath etc. Have a look at my coping strategies if you haven't already. I'll bump them up.
message #: 9784.3 in response to 9784.2
Thanks for the reply. i do journaling and that is really helping me to cope. I like the idea of going for a walk or spending time in nature. I will check out those coping strategies. Christina
message #: 9784.4 in response to 9784.1
Hi Christina,
I have been scrolling through the message bord and found your entries. I am also likeyou--in public I am very nice. ask my husband what i am like at home! the truth is: I am also generally very nice at home because my husband is such a loving, kind and compassionate person. but when I am in a funk, depressed,angry, nervous, obsessed, etc., he bares the brunt of it. which, of course, isn't really fair to him. he fogives me afterwards, when i aplogize, but he alsohas his limits. the chronic depression makes him unhappy. he also gets angry if i push his buttons one time too many.
i accept he has a right to vent now and then and have never faulted him for it.
i think the larger question, why is it that in public we can be sonice and at home are otherwise, has to do with the general nature of human relatioships. it costs nothing to be courteous to a stranger on a bus, i a store, bank, at school, online, or wheerever. after all, we aren't going to meet this person again. and even if we do, it's usually a professional relationship. at home it's different. on the other hand, at home, where we see the same people day in and day out, it takes great wisdom and self-control to remain nice. they also know us inside out, as we know them, so we and they know to push the most vulnerable buttons. you can't play act with the people you live with.
so it is a great challenge to remain nice at home. but this is the challenge.
of course, as i said, it also depends on whom you live with. fortunately, my husband is very easy to live with--a truly cring human being. he is also naturally flowing, joyful, calm and considerate, as well as very logical and stable. one of my therapists used to joke that i didn't need therapy. all i had to do was to use my husband as a role model and learn to imitate his behaviors. if you are living with difficult people, people who constantly criticize, abuse, put you down, belittle and demean you,or who don't take you seriously, it's going to be incredibly hard to remain nice and respectful. and that is why i live on one side of the world and my parents live on theother. being in the same locale as them was just too difficult. i'm not saying you have to move across the world. just perhaps eventually move to a better locale--away from the negative individuals. at least that way you can give yourself a fighting chance. not that it is ever easy, but it is easier.
anyway, i could relate to what you said, which is really what i wanted to say.
Tziporah
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