Gosh yes, I remember that feeling of frustration and anger when I saw my scars!
There are a few things you can do to help them fade...there's a product called bio oil that I've used on a couple of my bigger ones. It's specifically formulated for scars. I found it reduced the size of mine quite well. Moisturise them lots and lots, and they do fade, but it is a slow process.
Second thing...when you have urges, can you call up that feeling of frustration and anger towards the scars, and use it as an energy boost for coping that little bit longer without giving in? Focus on it when you're not having urges, and remember exactly what that frustration, that anger feels like. Keep it as a positive thing for you to help yourself not give in so quickly next time. Anger *can* be a good energy...imagine you're stuck in a deep puddle of mud...which energy will get you out: depression/lassitude, or anger? Anger *can* be turned into an energy that you use to do things for yourself.
I know it's not as much help to you now, but I have turned my thinking about my scars around. Having got through to where I no longer need SI to deal with things, I now talk about my experiences to others-pretty much everyone I speak to for long enough, really. I use my experiences-and that includes my scars, as a positive to bring the message out there, to help others, and to get stuff out in the open. Hiding it was such a big part of my own inner turmoil, that I want it out in the open as much as possible now. My scars are part of me, they show where I've been in life, and I'm proud of what I've been through and dealt with. In the same way as someone who has been to war or who was injured rescuing people from danger, I see my scars as proof that I have 'been through the wars' and that I have learned the lesson I needed to move on. It might be an internal war rather than an external one, but the damage can be the same.
Be gentle with yourself, know that you are doing your best, and that it *is* good enough, because it's your best. The road may seem long at the moment, but you are on the path, and that is the important bit. One step at a time will get you to the goal.
Gentle hugs,
Chris
