Hi everyone. I haven't been around for a while and I won't go into why...just not in the right frame of mind, I guess. For those who are new here, I am a sexual and physical abuse survivor and recently that diagnosis has been changed to the victim of Munchausen syndrome..I was my mother's "Proxy".....the person she hurt and almost killed so she could get attention.
So today my T asked me if I could kill my mother...if she were still alive, what would I do if I found her...would I want to kill her. I told him the answer was not if but how and proceeded to tell him how many ways I could kill her. But at least I'd feel guilty and she never did. No matter how close she came to killing me, she never acted guilty in the least.
I was kind of surprised by my anger but I guess not really. How many of us have fantasized about doing the same thing? Guess I should be relieved she is long gone.
I've had more flashbacks of attacks by her and my brother's T has agreed that she probably had Muchausen's and said the same thing I did.....it fits. It fits her personality and the problems we have all had. Now to find out just how many things she did to me. Now I want to remember...I want to know what she did. I'm not afraid of the memories any more...I want to know...I HAVE to know.
I'm hoping to be back posting more regularly. Having lots of physical problems too so if I'm not here it's because I'm back in yet another docs office trying to find our why I'm painlessly dislocating joints. What next!
Hi Brenda...hope you're doing okay.
love to all and gentle hugs...............Jenny
