I've been reading your posts and unfortunately been in "lurking mode" as I've been getting all sorts of memories back recently but I wanted to make a comment on your post.
I know where you are. I'm 58 and I've been dealing with this since I was 16. And I, like you and many others have had that "anger" period when the anger flows forth and gives you all sorts of energy and you feel like you can conquer the world. Mine was so strong I went on national TV and blew the whistle on my family and was the first person to talk about mothers who molest. Boy was that a mistake!
But here is my point...having come through the other side of this. This anger comes at a physical price. You feel strong because adrenaline in pumping through you and not stopping. That produces cortisol and other hormones that keep pumping as well. This is EXTREMELY stressful to your body. Your blood pressure will eventually rise and give you hypertension. The hypertension can result in strokes and heart disease. Eventually, the effects will hit other organs and you'll find yourself with all sorts of diseases of aging prematurely.
I am 58 with the body of an 88 year old. I'm on 3 different drugs for hypertension. I've developed Type 2 diabetes. I've had several small strokes and have developed small blood vessel disease in my brain thanks to the stress of the hypertension. And that is just the tip of my medical iceberg.
Prolonged anger can kill you. Please consider dealing with your past and present and moving on to a relaxed life. Your body will thank you. It's not just being emotionally healed but healing your body as well. Consider it.
gentle hugs..................Jenny
