Stress & Women

I have been feeling the brunt of an unhappy workforce in recent months.  More than once I have walked into a room where people were obviously talking about me, and I found out its mostly about their misinterpretation of my current mood.  They think I am mad about my schedule that was changed for the worse possible schedule, which I am but I also just had to put my dog to sleep, am dealing with an unfaithful husband, and finding out people I thought were friends can't be trusted; to name a few things.  I think I am clinically depressed and the work issues don't help. 

So my question is in relation to one stupid aspect of work I just don't know how to handle.  The people I mentioned above and I are part of group to address the schedule issues and some other things.  There has been loads of backstabbing because of these changes and when a person speaks their mind in support of being fair overall, the senior employees get angry and it has started to make the less senior people keep their mouths shut.  I fall into the latter.  I don't need the stress of being in a group that doesn't work together well, ignore certain opinions, make changes that don't fall in with majority view or benefit, and then talk openly with non-members about what was said in the meetings furthering gossip and bad attitudes. 

In this job, extra responsibilities and getting involved matter for reviews and promotion.  I don't want to give up on the group participation, I don't want to be perceived as a quitter.  I certainly don't want to let these people think they were able to push me out.  But it doesn't matter my participation in the grand scheme of things, what I say or think are blown off and they do what they want anyway.  I do want my boss to know I am unhappy, but I don't want to be a whiner.

How do I approach this successfully?  I was about to rashly send an email with specifics of why I don't want to be part anymore, but I restrained myself and now want to do this the best possible way.

Any suggestions?

I'm glad that you restrained yourself from sending that email while you were upset.  You certainly don't want to make matters worse. 

You might try asking your questions on our Women at Work, the CL and members may have some ideas for you.

Also, since you think you may be depressed, if you haven't already I'd like to urge you to talk to your doctor about what's been going on.  Sometimes just talking about it is enough to help, sometimes more treatment (including medication) is needed.  Either way, there is help.  You can also get support for this condition on our Depression Support message board. 

kanimalhouse-

When i read your post it reminded me of times i have felt the same way in the workplace.  I have been at my job for over 10 years, and it wasn't until about 2 years ago when I experienced the worst!  I was working for a female that was a year younger then me.  She was very new in her position, and not settled in her personal life to take on the additional responsibility.  She became pregnant, and started forgetting to accomplish important deadlines and tasks.  Through the months her responsibilities were handed over to me.  (This was nothing that i had control over)  She became extremely jealous when she went out to have her baby, started backstabbing me and trying to cause conflict within my career. 

I was determined not to let her jealousy ruin me.  She had built up such jealousy, even after she came back to work, things never changed.  She started to play mind games, blames thing on me for her not completing.  It was the worse experience in my life.  I didn't realize how much I was letting her affect my home life, my husband and my children.  I was totally depressed and miserable.  I was thinking about ending my career. 

that is when I realized, I was going to throw it all away b/c of someone else opinion/lies.  One day I came to my wits end.  I walked into our executive's office, sat down and said..enough is enough.  You can either move her or move me, however I refuse to continue to work under her leadership! 

Throughout the months I had documented proof that she was the issue.  I didn't need to go into the extreme to bust it all out and prove it.  Within three weeks she was moved into a new role, and a month later moved into another role.  Now I report to a person I have worked with years ago.  It is a total blessing in disguise!

I still see her every day, she will not acknowledge me.  Is extremely disrespectful and absolutely ignorant.  I realize though her actions are noticed...they are seen.  All I need to do it continue to do my best every day.  In the end I am the bigger person!  My life will go on even with her ignorance and lower life standards!

DO NOT let them get the better of you!  Stay stronger, things happen for a reason!  Always remember...I wish someone would of tole me:  No one, no action, no situation, no issue, no concern, no job..NOTHING should come before you and your own personal happiness!  We enter this world by yourself, and we will be leaving by yourself!  Hold your head up high!!

You are in my thoughts and Prayers!  Please keep me posted on your situation!!  

Are there other opportunities within your company that could get you back to a better schedule?

I have worked for a company for 11 years...they did a re-org and for the last 2 years I have HATED my job....and I have talked at lengths to my psychiatrist about this.  She always advises AGAINST e-mails (hahaha). 

I told my therapist I HAD to say something...she tells me the "correct" way the "professional" ways to say what I'm feeling.  There are other opportunities within my company and I want out of this dept.  So, my therapist said..the way to approach the topic would be to say something like:   The shoe doesn't quite fit for me right now with the current role I have in the dept.  I want you to know that I would like to search out other opportunities within the company (here are my ideas) and I was wondering if I could get your support.?

I had this conversation with my boss back in Feb (it was alot better than saying what I wanted - I hate this job and everyone in the dept)....I know that by this coming FEb....I may be in a new position. 

It has been a tough year.  I had to participate in some mentoring as well as maintain the workload in the current position I am in....But, I feel like my situation and my feelings are close to what you are going thru...a little different...but dont SEND the emails, don't show your anger or disgust...act professional, do your job....NOTHING STAYS THE SAME FOREVER.....this situation will change.  

Set your mind to what you want to do..., do some work to get there, believe you will get there...bite the bullet....and it will happen!  Its taken a year for me...but I believe it is going to happen for me.

Good luck.