Trying to figure this out

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ladystarlight13

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discussion title:

Trying to figure this out

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5780.1

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ladystarlight13

date:

Oct-22 3:22 pm

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Hello everyone! I'm definitely new here. I've never really been open with my issues dealing with suicidal thoughts, even with my long running past with depression (about 8yrs).

It seems to have been kept more of a hush-hush thing with me because every time I talk about it, it comes and bites me in the ass later! In the past couple weeks I've been questioned a lot about my "bad moods" (mostly by one very close friend who it aware of my self harm history), yet it seems that when I explain what and how I think, people don't get it. Like I should just suck it up and get better. Does anyone have this problem????

I'm trying to get better (and I am) but I have these set backs that people don't understand. And all I hear is: go to therapy you need help. Or people who consider suicide are selfish... I mean I feel bad enough as is, and even worse for the suicidal thoughts I have. I just don't know how to open up to people and get them to understand me without feeling even more isolated :(

Thanks!!

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cl-ijanis51

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Trying to figure this out

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5780.2 in response to 5780.1

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cl-ijanis51

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ladystarlight13

date:

Oct-22 8:22 pm

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If you are in danger, please seek help immediately by calling 911, your local authorities, or the Suicide Hotline, 1-800-273-TALK.
Hi! I'm sorry to hear about the depression & suicidal thinking): It does seem that you lack support. Many ppl post to our community in the same boat. It isn't easy to struggle alone w/out the understanding of others. Even in this day & age, mental health issues have a lot of stigma attached to them. Depression is not unlike diabetes. It is a chemical imbalance that requires treatment. Diabetics take insulin. Ppl w/depression do well on antidepressants. If you have struggled for 8 years, that is TOO long! This is a treatable illness. Though you seem reluctant to seek therapy, research has shown that meds in combination w/counseling is the most successful way to treat depression.
Much of what you have posted is thinking associated w/depression. It paints a very dark picture. We begin to questions our worth. We fear that what we feel is not valid. We tend to isolate even further from others. Depression is anger turned inward. That is why self-harm & suicidal thinking enters the picture.
When I was very depressed a friend told me to pull myself up by the bootstraps. WHAT??? I didn't wear boots! What did she mean? How was I supposed to do this? My thinking did get better w/proper treatment. It isn't easy. It involves changing our way of thinking & our patterns of behavior. TBH, rarely can folks do it on their own. Since your friends & family don't understand you, that is the beauty of a professional therapist. They are trained to understand. They have heard it all before. They WON'T tell you to suck it up. You will learn about yourself & the underlying issues that got you to this point. Life can be worthwhile. You can find the reasons to hang on & hang in there. That doesn't mean you will never suffer again & that your life will become perfect. Noone's is. Life is hard. Life is unfair. But...it will be much like what your mom told you on a boring, rainy, gloomy day. Go out & make your own fun. Each of us has that ability within us. GL & GBU! (((hugs))) jan