discussion title:
Help with my mixed-up alcoholic family
My husband and I have been married for two years, we are best friends and very much in love. We are thrilled to be expecting our first child or children due March 2011 (there’s a strong chance we are having twins!)
I come from a background where my parents put on a good image for society but were daily drinkers at home. As I was growing up my father neglected me and my mother emotionally and verbally abused me. I have two brothers; both of them are alcoholics, as well, my older brother's wife is also an alcoholic. My older brother is also addicted to and sells marijuana, and my younger brother as well as my father are addicted to gambling. My mother is very self-absorbed, insensitive, and manipulative and she regularly says shocking and cruel things to people. The whole family does not see anything wrong whatsoever with their behaviors and they have no intent to change. I haven’t spoken with or seen my parents for over a year and a half now since I expressed my unhappiness with their behavior in a letter; my father simply ignored me (as he has done my entire life) and never wrote back, and my mother wrote back describing all of the ‘horrible’ things that I have done in my life (like declaring bankruptcy, trying drugs etc.) and told me that I had no right to criticize her and that they no longer want to see me. Since then, recently she sent me an email asking if I would like to get together “to talk” I politely declined because I don’t want to go back to the same relationship that we had before.
On top of all this my family have always treated me without any respect in the way that when I express my feelings they will say, “Oh you must have pms; don’t be so dramatic; your being ridiculous, and oh poor baby (condescendingly)” When I tried to talk about my concern regarding my parents drinking with my older brother he actually turned around and said that I am the one who is crazy but I am not crazy, in fact I am the only person in my family who has a university degree (two of them actually) I have a very stable marriage and I completely quit drinking alcohol when I took Christ as my savior ten months ago. I have been working very hard to lead the life that God has planned for me and my belief in Jesus is something else that my family makes fun of and uses to further their ‘theory’ that I am “unbalanced”
Because I am a Christian and now that I am pregnant, I feel that it is my duty to somehow find a way to make up with my family so that I can be the “light” of example in their lives and so that my children will know their extended family (don’t worry I plan to NEVER leave my babies alone with any of my family members) I just don’t know what to do? I know that I would need to have a kind of meeting with my parents to set some boundaries but I am at a loss of how to do this and what would be appropriate boundaries to set. I would really like to find some kind of resolution to this situation before my babies are born. Any advice or opinion you could offer would be HIGHLY appreciated.
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