Dealing With Difficult People

Hi, I'm new.

Okay, I feel like an idiot since this is a small thing in the great scheme of things.  But maybe just writing it out will make me feel better.  I work in a small office (like 8 people) that is close-knit.  We got a new person last October who tends to rub folks the wrong way but the rest are great.

My husband has been sick since April, having confusion and weakness.  It got so bad he was hospitalized a week at the end of July.  Turns out he has dementia and Parkinson's.  There is no one to care for him but me, his children live far away, and I log in from home and work until the caregiver comes in, then go to work.  I help him bathe and dress, cook, clean, drive him--all that falls on me.  I can only afford the caregiver while I work, so I'm not able to get out alone just for myself at all.  It has been so very hard and painful. For the week my husband was in the hospital, no one from the office came to visit, never sent a card or anything. I figured they were all too busy covering for me in my unexpected absence so tried to think of it that way.

Last month, another lady in the office had her husband get sick and has had to take him to the hospital ER several times.  Her mom also got sick.  Things have been hard for her too. 

Okay, so a couple days ago, the rubs the wrong way person sent out an email to all stating that this other lady in the office was having a hard time and wanting us to all go in on flowers or something for her.  I was flabbergasted.  Today she emailed me asking what the card for this person should say.  Turns out everyone had pitched in on an arrangement.  At that point I just asked how much so I could pay my share, but I have to tell you I am really, really hurt.  Not so much by this person who is amazingly insensitive because that is just her, but by the others.

I know this is petty, but my feelings are just so hurt.  I can't ever say anything to anyone there, but maybe just telling it to the group will help me kind of get it out and move on.

Hi anaphora. Welcome to the board. I am so sorry that your husband is not well. I know it is hard on you. I feel that you need more help so you have some time to yourself.

Now as for the flowers and a contribution here is what I would say,''I would love to contribute but I have a caretaker with my husband and she needs to get paid. I also have other expenses.''

I hope you did not contribute because you need to money to care for your husband and his needs. This is not being selfish but you cannot afford it at this time.

It is indeed thoughtless and selfish of your co-workers and ofcourse your feelings are hurt. And others should have noticed the unfairness right away if they know your situation.

This can be a hard life so I would invite a pastor from a local church to visit you  and I hope you have some close friends who live nearby. You need prayer for your situation and some fellowship.

As for being hurt it is understandable but try to consider the source and let it go. Keep us posted on how things go. Take care. MaryAnne