Getting Fit in Your 30s

Last night Bill told me he didn't think he could do the long distance thing anymore. THIS coming from a man that back in January when he called me after our first date and I was on my way back to Maryland (I was in Minneapolis) and he said we both felt something on that date, we should explore it together and I told him I don't do the long distance thing - tried it in college and it didn't work and he said "WE'RE NOT IN COLLEGE ANYMORE. WE'RE ADULTS AND WE CAN MAKE THIS WORK". And so we began our long distance relationship.

He says he now wants the "every day life". He loves me but he wants us to be together every day. That the nightly phone calls and seeing each other now every 2-3 months instead of once a month (airfares have gotten so high) is just too hard for him. He's upset that he's never going to be able to sell his house for what he owes, that if he tried to rent it out he couldn't get what he pays for in mortgage (he talked to a realty company) that I can't just move out there, blah, blah, blah...

So bottom line is he loves me, he wants to go on as we have been with the talking, texting daily but that we should talk at Thanksgiving when I come out there and maybe by then as he says he will have his head out of his "booty". WTF?!? is he SERIOUS?!?!? I was so hurt last night. This morning I'm angry.

I don't know what I'm going to do or how it's going to play out. And oh yeah - thanks for dropping all this on me as I'm packing to move!

Oh Vanessa!!! What is wrong with Men??? Honestly. That man is a complete fool if he lets you slip through his fingers because he can't see you as often as he wants.

Maybe there is something else going on - job uncertainty? Money issues? It sounds to me like a person who is having trouble with something that they don't want to talk about, so is looking for the easy way out.

As for you - you simply cannot worry about that right now. Talk to him at Thanksgiving, and try to root out the problem. Encourage him to seek financial advice about his house situation. Talk about timelines. But right now your priority has to be YOU. Not Bill and his issues.

I would be angry too. It's not like he doesn't understand that you have a lot on your plate, and to drop that on you is just selfish.

I really believe he does love you, but do you think that maybe this a little bit of cold feet? When you were talking about moving, did you explain that you were just looking for a house to live in until he got out there? Maybe this is all just hitting him that the expectation is that he come out there and he's getting a case of cold feet now that you are making some life decisions based on his arrival at some point.

Anyways. HUGS!!!!! You are fabulous. You are amazing. And however this turns out, you are still going to rock the world Vanessa!

Hugs Vanessa.

Since I have no clue what is going on, I"m not even going to try. Just know that you're in my thoughts. And I'm with Miranda. Try not to think about it right now. Or I say tell Bill it wasn't fair of him to drop this while in the midst of moving. Big big hugs.

 
 

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Vanessa--- oh sheesh..... and they say timing is everything. Though I thought the saying was supposed to work for you!! I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this now, on top of everything else.

Miranda is right- at this time you have to try and focus on you and the kids.

Perhaps yes, cold feet could be the reason. I've learned that men often beat around the bush when it comes to expressing their true feelings, and reasons.... idk though- difficult to speculate from the outside too.

Let's get through this week, and then tackle the rest. We're here for you!!

Wow, I was expecting to that when I logged on to here.   I don't that I have any more to add than what Miranda has said. 

He would be a fool to let you go, and it does sound like there is more to the story than what he is saying. 

((hugs)) to you!